Sexplanations: 'He doesn't love oral sex'

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Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

I'm seeing a lovely new man who's very romantic and caring. He's quite shy and sexually inexperienced, but he enjoys making love to me. I've taught him how to give me oral sex, which I adore. But he won't let me return the favour! I thought all men loved it - why doesn't he?

The solution

This man is a sexual novice, but he's already learnt how to give you real pleasure. I think he deserves a gold star! I've spent my life saying to women: 'Don't be forced into doing anything sexual that you don't want to do.' We owe men the same consideration. If, despite your best efforts, he doesn't want oral sex, please respect that, and don't let this one little foible ruin a lovely relationship.

However, it's possible that if you reassure and relax him more, he may change his mind. Oral sex is a very intimate matter. He may be worried that his penis isn't nice enough. He may also be scared he'll lose control and ejaculate into your mouth.

When you're next in bed, kiss his chest and shoulders and tell him how you love his body. Then dive down and give his penis a couple of light kisses too, before quickly returning to his shoulders or chest. If he doesn't object, he might be loosening up a little.

Try massaging him all over with a lotion, paying special attention to his genitals. Or take a bath together before sex. If you liberally soap his wedding-tackle, he'll know that he's squeaky-clean, and this might help him feel ready for your oral attentions.

Finally, if he does let you take his penis into your mouth, compliment him on its size, shape and taste. And let him know what you'll do if he comes - ie, whether you plan to swallow.

Good luck. Your man sounds like a keen student of the art of love, which can't be bad!

There's more advice from Christine in this week's bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.
- Save 20% on sexplanations@ipcmedia.com or to us at goodtoknow

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Mary wilson, about 1 year

enjoyed this article. my boyfriend is the opposite. he loves me to give him oral sex but wont give me oral sex says it is not the custom in his country. he is turkish.i no they have to b clean but i cant change his mind. we have bathed together and everything so he knows i am clean

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