He was my first real boyfriend and he worked away a lot with the army. I found it hard being on my own but stayed with him. At first I felt guilty cheating on him so I ended our relationship a couple of times but we always ended up back together. I am very lucky he even took me back.
I called off our engagement twice and my husband still stayed with me and I carried on having flings with people from work. Eventually we got married in 2005 and I honestly felt I was ready to commit to him.
Things were great until I fell pregnant in 2006 and the larger my bump grew, the more my husband didn't want to have sex for fear of hurting the baby. I tried to tell him it was OK, but he felt uncomfortable.
In the meantime a guy from work who I'd fancied ever since I'd started there was continuously flirting with me and on a night out even attempted to kiss me. I turned him down as I do have some morals and there was no way I was gonna cheat while carrying my husband's child!
The time came for me to go back to work after my maternity leave and that weekend there was a leaving do which I'd agreed to go to, knowing this guy would be there. I was worried about what might happen between us so I deliberately arranged to stay at a mate's house to avoid temptation but that day she became ill and decided not to go.
The inevitable happened after much flirting with this guy and we spent the night together but didn't had sex. This was to be the start of what is now a 14-month affair.
The thing is I have really fallen for this guy and the sex is amazing. My husband has no idea and the more time goes on, the guiltier I feel for betraying him but I can't seem to stop. The guy from work is married and has kids too so I know this would affect so many people if it got out. My husband and I rarely have sex any more and I no longer find him sexually attractive but in all other ways our relationship is good - which I know probably sounds like rubbish.
I don't want to leave my husband but I'm finding it hard to end it with this guy from work, I'm in the process of talking to Relate to get some counselling for us as a couple, but I just don't know if it's going to be enough. Thanks for listening.
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