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'My 14-month affair'

(17 ratings)
Man and woman having sex_rex
I have been with my husband for 10 years and we have a young daughter together and if I'm honest I have never been faithful to him since we met.

He was my first real boyfriend and he worked away a lot with the army. I found it hard being on my own but stayed with him. At first I felt guilty cheating on him so I ended our relationship a couple of times but we always ended up back together. I am very lucky he even took me back.

I called off our engagement twice and my husband still stayed with me and I carried on having flings with people from work. Eventually we got married in 2005 and I honestly felt I was ready to commit to him.

Things were great until I fell pregnant in 2006 and the larger my bump grew, the more my husband didn't want to have sex for fear of hurting the baby. I tried to tell him it was OK, but he felt uncomfortable.

In the meantime a guy from work who I'd fancied ever since I'd started there was continuously flirting with me and on a night out even attempted to kiss me. I turned him down as I do have some morals and there was no way I was gonna cheat while carrying my husband's child!

The time came for me to go back to work after my maternity leave and that weekend there was a leaving do which I'd agreed to go to, knowing this guy would be there. I was worried about what might happen between us so I deliberately arranged to stay at a mate's house to avoid temptation but that day she became ill and decided not to go.

The inevitable happened after much flirting with this guy and we spent the night together but didn't had sex. This was to be the start of what is now a 14-month affair.

The thing is I have really fallen for this guy and the sex is amazing. My husband has no idea and the more time goes on, the guiltier I feel for betraying him but I can't seem to stop. The guy from work is married and has kids too so I know this would affect so many people if it got out. My husband and I rarely have sex any more and I no longer find him sexually attractive but in all other ways our relationship is good - which I know probably sounds like rubbish.

I don't want to leave my husband but I'm finding it hard to end it with this guy from work, I'm in the process of talking to Relate to get some counselling for us as a couple, but I just don't know if it's going to be enough. Thanks for listening.
Alison

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boss dude

Amen

Ja Fo

Hopefully this cheating couple will get their just deserts.

Harry Peppercorn

This woman is a disaster, full stop. Unfortunately other people pay dearly for her self-centered mistakes, including innocent children (who speaks for them). All I would add is that if the universe has any justice, she eventually will have her heart ripped out and be betrayed so she knows what she has put others through. "Some will sell their dreams for small desires." Rush

Britney

Don't blame yourself or feel guilty. Your husband should have tried harder to make you feel special.

tracy

You are an unhappy woman and men are not the answer to that unhappiness. Speak to your partner,tell him how you feel and get yourself some help. STOP this affair and learn to love yourself, revise your marriage and then make a decision, but for Heavens sake stop living a lie and dragging other people into your mess.

grace

most people find it difficult to understand but l think you can put your marrieage back on track if your really work hard on it. Goodluck.

matt

because of u this poor mans life has been a lie. u have lead a man along his whole life that is the most disgusting and evil story i have ever read. you selfish woman i hope uve already recieved ur ticket to hell

carly

Now, im sorry, but you are just so so selfish. I feel so sorry for youre poor husband, and your child, and it seems you dont give them a second thought. Even if you did get together with this guy, do you really think you have good foundations for an everlasting relationship? no, i dont think so. youd probably always be thinking each other is cheating. Your husband deserves so much better, let the poor guy go for goodness sake. And actually, i hope youre affair doesnt come out in the open...but not for your sake luv...just for youre hubands and your childs sake.

kelly

How is it inevitable????? If you didn't want to do it you would have stayed away, no-one else made you. I think what you are doing is terrible and does it have to be with a married man with kids? You are a incredibly selfish person, who need to grow up! Iif your husband isn't asking you for sex them he is probably doing the same to you, in that case you both deserve each other.

Isobel

Why not leave ur husband and allow him some happiness rather than being taken for a fool!! U obviously have no self control - and even if u got together with this other man i very much doubt u would be faithful 2 him either!! Let ur husband love someone else -some1 who deserves his love.

tina

i do understand you very much.its hard for ppl to understand and insult you.we are all nt perfect so plz think of what u want to write first.my dear dont worry too much after all you dont know what he is up to since he is nt evening asking you for sex.ENJOY life for its short.be careful n play safe.

tracy

all i have to say is be very careful not to get caught.

Chris

I think that is hot, if u want to have sex with another guy besides your man hit me up

Mel

Of course you don't want to leave your husband, he's convinient and he's always there to fall back on when you run out of options. I think you're the sort of person who does not know who they are and has never been on their own. Why do you have to have men in your life? I know you have a child, but surely staying with your husband and being unhappy is not fair on you, him or your child. You need to start learning to know yourself, to stop using people for your own self-gratification and generally take responsibility for your actions. You know exactly what you're doing and have been allowed to get away with it for so long....no wonder you keep doing it!!! Wise up girl, otherwise you'll loose everything, that's if you already haven't.

Sarah

Why do you say that the 'inevitable happened'? Do you have no self control? Perhaps you would be better off with this new man, maybe not, but you have to decide what is the right thing to do. You do not solve problems within a marriage by turning outside it. I do not beleive in staying with someone for 'the sake of the child' but if you have even the slightest desire to remain with your child's father, and approaching Relate is a good start, you need to tell your lover that you are ending things. You are not the only person involved here. What will the effect be on your husband, your child in the future or your lover? Not to forget his wife and children. Perhaps he doesn't want to leave them. Even if he does leave his family to be with you, what makes you so sure that you'll be faithful to HIM? After all you have very little experience of being faithful to anyone. Personally I think your husband and child deserve better, you say yourself that you are lucky he took you back and that your marriage is generally good. Perhaps it is time you grew up and started taking responsibility for you actions rather than blaming others (it was your friend's fault because she was ill or it's your husband's fault because he is away). After all you say you went to this leaving party because you knew this man would be there. It sound to me as though you are making one excuse after another to behave in this way. Finally, do you really think your husband has no idea what you are doing? You say yourself that he has lost interest in sex. I'm not sure I would want to make love to a partner who was unfaithful either. At the very least I'd ve worried about what I might catch! Do yourself a favour and sort yourself out.

gemma

My husband works away but when I chose to marry him I took this into account! You are being very selfish and would no doubt be devastated if your husband did this to you. I understand it gets lonely without him and when others give you attention it feels great, but you have to think about your marriage and young daughter who will be affected by your actions to. If you think this guy your seeing is worth ending your marriage for then good luck, but leave your husband and tell him the truth, you owe him that at least. If you do want to make a go at your marriage then you do need to tell him the truth and maybe councilling will help but are you hanging on because deep down you know that your husband would leave you if he knew the score?

Rachel

I can relate to what she is saying. I have been with my fiance for 3 years and got engaged 6 months ago, however he is away for weeks at a time on business. I have a 5 month old baby but i get lonely. I met a guy on a night out 3 moth ago and the attraction between us was great and i have been seeing my lover on a regular basis since, although i love my finace. I no how she feels, she wants the love from her husband but snt getting it so has to go elsewhere for it.

rachel

i think its shocking what she is doing to her husband, she doesnt realise she can seriously damage him in many ways, when he finaly finds out, which he will, he could loose all trust in women and will probably never be able to settle down happily with some one who can love him the way he deserves to be loved, as he might believe the same thing will happen again..

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