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'I thought I could change him'

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It was when he threatened to hurt the kids that I knew I had to get out. Up until then it was only me he hit and I could put up with that. I thought that staying was best, for the children's sake, and that having their dad around was important. I never imagined he'd lay a finger on them.

I went to a friend's but he found me straightaway. So I went to another friend in a different town and he still found me. I went to a cousin he didn't even know about and changed my mobile number but I knew he'd find me eventually. I was always looking over my shoulder, worrying about it.

Then I heard about Refuge and I called the helpline. A couple of days later I was in one of their safe houses. It was full of women there who had been in violent relationships and it really helped to know I wasn't the only one.

I also saw a Refuge psychologist - and I am still seeing her. She is helping me understand Mark's behaviour was not my fault. Yet no matter how many times she says it, I find it hard not to feel guilty. I thought I could change him, I really did, but now I know it was all about him and nothing I did would have made a difference.

I'm so pleased I can see that now. It means I can feel good about myself again.

This story comes courtesy of Refuge, call 0808 2000 247.
All names and identifying details have been changed to protect individuals involved.

By Louise O'Connell