Getting help for domestic abuse and leaving

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What should you do immediately after an incident?

Even if you think it's just been a nasty argument or it's the first time, tell someone, confide in a trustworthy friend or relative and get expert advice on what to do next. It might be that you need couples counselling or that you need to tell the police or and get medical help. Whatever has happened, even if you think it's not important or significant, let someone know and contact one of the helplines.

What about children and pets?

If your partner is violent, emotionally, sexually or verbally abusive your children and your pets are at risk too. And there are many studies to support a link in behaviour between adults who are abusive to children and animals and domestic abuse.
If your partner is being cruel to your children or to your pets you must tell someone you trust and inform the relative agency, such as the NSPCC or the RSPCA. Any information they have will support your case if you take your partner to court.

Where to get help

Tell someone. Confide in a friend or relative and if possible get yourself out of the house or to wherever is a safe place for you and your family.

Look at the front of your local phone directory - they have helpline numbers, women's refuges, the local police station number and other useful numbers in an emergency. Copy these numbers and keep them in a safe place so you have them to hand whenever you need them.

Domestic violence charities are also very well equipped to advise and help whenever you need it.

You can call the confidential National Domestic Violence helpline free of charge 24 hours a day: 0808 2000 247

Or visit:
Refuge.org.uk
Womensaid.org.uk
www.thehideout.org.uk is a website for kids who have experience domestic abuse
www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org

What to do once you've made the decision to leave your partner

Leaving your partner and possibly the family home is a very brave decision. With the right support you can do it - many women find they learn to live again and give their children a better future.

Before you go:

Find somewhere safe to go, this could be a friend or relative or a women's refuge - if you have kids make sure it's ok to bring them too.
Get legal advice and ensure that you are safe and protected - this might mean changing the lock on your front door, informing the police of your partner's actions and whereabouts. If you have children inform their school and make sure that the teachers know who your partner is and if he has any legal access to your children
Ensure you have access to people who can give you practical help, such as moving home, picking up the kids from school and people who can offer emotional and psychological support, such as a counsellor or domestic violence charity worker
Sort out your finances. You will need your own money and having your own bank account will give you a bit of security and freedom.
If you are married you will need to consider divorce or separation, get legal advice on where you stand and what to do next.