What is Tantric sex? How to enjoy Tantric sex with your partner

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Tantric Sex guide
Tantric sex is easier than you think! Fancy hotting up and slowing down your sex life? Even if you haven't got hours to spend in the bedroom, Tantric sex may be the answer.

What is Tantric sex?

Tantric sex is an ancient Hindu practice that has been going for over 5,000 years, and means 'the weaving and expansion of energy'.

It's a slow form of sex that's said to increase intimacy and create a mind-body connection that can lead to powerful orgasms.

Tantric sex - or Tantra as it's often known - can be done by anyone interested in rebooting their sex life and finding new depth to their love-making.

If that sounds confusing think of it this way - if quickie sex is the sexual equivalent of a takeaway, tantric sex is a Michelin-starred meal, slowly and lovingly prepared and all the more delicious thanks to the wait.

Why should I give Tantric sex a try?

Tantric experts believe that if you extend the time and effort you put into sex, you will reach a higher and more intense form of ecstasy.

And it obviously works, because celebs such as Tom Hanks and Sting have said how great it is. In fact, Sting's wife Trudie Styler once famously boasted that her husband could make love for more than 5 hours at a time!

Tantric sex is good for you if...

- You're looking for something new to do in bed
- You want to become even more intimate with your partner
- You want to try to reconnect with your husband or boyfriend 

How to perform Tantric sex

The good news is Tantric sex isn't 'goal oriented', which means you don't have to work hard at learning what to do.

The trick is to take your mind off your orgasm and instead focus on making foreplay enjoyable and rewarding until you're ready to take it to its natural end.

This is easier said than done of course, so to delay orgasm Tantric sex experts use a variety of methods including meditative techniques, breath control and massage.

Tantric sex: What to do

If you want to give it a go, try the following:
  • Start by turning down the lights and shutting out the rest of the world

  • Loosen your body: Tantra is about moving energy through the body, so expert Louise Van Der Velde suggests 'shaking your limbs vigorously to energise and unblock your system before you start'.

  • Stay off the bed: This will trigger the sleep button in your brain, which, according to Louise 'means you'll be settling for a quickie romp instead of deep connection and loving sex, which is ultimately what Tantra is all about.'

  • Get comfortable: Try lying down with your partner on the floor and slowly start to touch each other, taking your time to leisurely make your way around their body.

  • Experiment: Try a variety of touches - firm massage, light feathery touches, and gentle stroking. The aim here is to heighten his senses in a slow and intense way so that you're building him to a peak but not taking him all the way and vice versa. Performed in the right way this can prolong sex and your pleasure for hours.

  • Think about breathing: If you find your mind starts to wander, re-focus on your breathing. Inhale as your partner exhales and vice versa - it can help improve the connection between the two of you and keep your mind on what's happening.

  • Don't give up: If you don't last beyond 10 minutes, try again. Tantric sex takes time to get to grips with because we're all used to sex in a western way - this means we expect sex to have an obvious start, middle and end.

With practice you can let go of this idea and enjoy sex without thinking about the conclusion as well as be able to control your body so you can delay climax and increase the strength of your orgasms.

Tantric sex exercises

As Tantric sex is all about intimacy between two partners, the following exercises can help you get a hang of Tantra:

1. Try the heart breath to tune into each other. Stand opposite one another and look into each other's eyes placing your left hand on your partner's heart. He should then place his hand over your left one and you should try to match each other's breathing for at least two minutes.

2. Sit face-to-face (this works better if you sit in his lap). Wrap your arms as tightly around one another and press your body against each other. This kind of skin contact promotes greater feelings of intimacy.

3. Ensure you move and breathe slowly during sex (it can help to avoid any position that you know makes you orgasm easily) and work towards a gradual build-up of pleasure. The more slowly you can allow your feelings and sensations to build up, the more intense your eventual orgasm will be.

How to get your partner involved in Tantric sex

If the mystical element of Tantric sex puts your partner off bear in mind that 'Tantra is like yoga,' according to Val Sampson, author of Tantra: The Art of Mind Blowing Sex (Vermilion). 'You can add the spiritual side or just do the exercises. Many people choose to do Tantra, not because of the mysticism but because the sex tips are better.'

If that doesn't work try telling him that Tantra is also good for men as it removes the pressure to perform.

Continued below...

Top Tantric tip

'Slow your breathing down as you approach orgasm,' says Val Sampson. 'Most women breathe more quickly as they feel themselves peaking and tense up trying to bring the orgasm on, if instead you relax your tummy, and take slow deep breaths into your stomach, the orgasm will last longer and be more intense.'

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Martyn Tucker

you may call this sensual sex but no way is this Tantra but western new age cultural appropriation and all that is bad in the new age movement .

Carla Marano

I have just come across this article and thread. I am a woman who had a great lover. He taught me to receive and give pleasure, we could go eight glorious hours of pleasure. I was married at the time, to a man who had no idea and all I received was pain and degradation, I say degradation as he was a violent control freak. That switched me off. I then met my man at the time, it was almost like being a virgin again, he took me to heights I had never even dreamed about. I also have a problem, I have super sensitive skin and can have multiple orgasms. So practising Tantric sex, with my ability, we flew.

Kevin Ashley

"Stay off the bed: This will trigger the sleep button in your brain" If only...laying on a bed, whether to sleep or not, seems to trigger the "WAKE UP NOW!!!!" button. I sleep better sitting up, when I don't want to sleep, than I do in a bed. :(

Kimberly Rhodes

Robert, tantric sex is more, much more than extended cuddling and foreplay. It is slow, conscious movements that help you connect on a much deeper level with your body and your partners. It is truly an amazing experience!


Huh, so that's what I've been doing. I'm terrible at like everything else. So far my record is 2 hours before we had an interruption.

Krishna Chandra

Tantra [तंत्र तन्त्र तंत्रा] is the expression of तन[body] and तर[full sensually]. Best way of tantric sex is to place ourself to/near our partners body-without clothes. Do nothing, let the body sensually act/interact. Don't try to place your penis in vagina. Don't try to ejaculate or orgasm.


Tantric sex is something that I have always felt deeply without ever knowing there was a name for my approach to sexual intimacy. When I was young I was clueless and had no clue what sex was and ability to experience my sensory body really meant. I knew I had to find my own sexuality as a human being first. The empty, perfunctory, mechanical sex that I was so "used" to was based on social, familial, cultural conditioning and of course, stereotypes as well. I discovered that REAL intimacy whether sexual or emotional IS based upon how aware we are of ourselves. How much effort we place and put into our understanding of who we are and our deepest pain, is the source, the basis for a richer, deeper experience we create with ourselves AND another. This IS how we create strong, deeply loving and supportive intimate relationships. We cannot expect something external to come in and save our relationships that are not even sound or solid to begin with. We get out of everything what we put into it---there are NO SHORTCUTS and those who respect intimacy understand this. As a person if you want more from your life, your relationship, that desire IS the impetus for creating meaning. Tantric sex is already within us. It's awakening comes from our desire to go beyond the physical and venture into the deeper meaning of why we are able to have this enormous and powerful experience with another being....

Robert Treherne

Or in other words, extended cuddling & foreplay. If I'm going to have sex for hours its going to be real sex damn it...

Pat Patel

I wanna try... Sounds powerful! In do Reiki and guess this would work very well with energies .....

YogaSex Master

I think the author was referring to the allegorical "in bed" as to mean having sex...once you get the hang of Tantric Sex, you can have the Tantric Sex anywhere (including in a bed)...

Michael Renn

"Tantric sex is good for you if... - You're looking for something new to do in bed" But right off the bat you said not to do it in bed.


Finally an article that is straight to the point and is easy to follow. Everything else I've read gets so detailed in the history and reason to practice, that it skips over the how-to's (that or I'm bored before the wordy article ends) Thank You Anita Naik!

Cijo Cyril

Very informative & i do agree tantric techniques can boost your sex life and thrill your partner


So if I must stay off the bed why is it good for if your looking for something new to try IN bed?...


i will try with my girl freind if she agree

Micky Arthur

How you use your positions is just as important as which position you engage in. A skilled lover knows how to move with ease from one position to another at just the right time for each partner. It's as if there is an unspoken language that develops between the lovers that guides them intuitively through a flawless series of satisfying movements.MORE AT -- tinyurl(.)com/ptdzcon


Great guide to tantra - minblowing!

Rebeca Kasak

I agree...Tantra enhances ones intuitive process and creates more mental alertness, perceptiveness, awareness and right and left brain integration.

סדנת טנטרה

great tantric guide!


Very interesting and informative.

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