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Hello, my name's Kim. I'm 16 years old and I would like to share a crisis that I have no idea how to get out of.

My boyfriend and I were in an open relationship (bad idea) and we slept about a bit. I slept with his best friend and his second cousin, I used a condom both times and so I confessed what I'd done. He was upset but at the same time we were in an open relationship, so there wasn't much he could say.

I then went away on holiday to Australia for a break with my aunt and discovered I was pregnant. I knew it could only be my boyfriend's baby because I was careful with the others, so I thought I would come back early and talk to him about it.

When I came back a week early, I discovered my mother had thrown a party and invited my boyfriend. The pair of them had got so drunk at the party that they ended up sleeping together and now my mother is pregnant too. What do I do? I need help.

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- What to do if your teenage daughter is pregnant
- What's the best age to have a baby?
- 'I had a holiday fling'

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April

First of all, I can't believe this even happens in REAL LIFE!! That is something you see ONLY on Jerry Springer & Maury Povich!! Now, what the heck is your mom doing even thinking about even inviting him to a party that she is throwing? You and your boyfriend are the ones in an open relationship... that doesn't mean that she is part of that!!! I mean just cause ya'll have that agreement doesn't mean that includes her! She should never be in that equation!!! She is a foul person for even going there!! You are her daughter and she should be the one who you go to and say, "mom I'm pregnent!! What am I going to do??" Not the one who sleeps with your boyfriend and then puts you in the position where you have to go online, post your story and ask people for their advice!! Poor thing... the one person you should be able to go to is the one person who has put you in the worst situation in your young life... I'm so sorry for you... My heart goes out to you and I hope you have someone that you are able to go to that will help you through this awful situation! & I also hope that your baby's dad is not a part of your everyday life now. I mean, I understand that you made the silly decision to be in an "open relationship", but remember... there are exceptions to every rule!! (like your boyfriend sleeping with your mom) Best wishes

lee lee

Girl, first and foremost pray to God because at the end of the day he's the one who has the right to judge you. He knew this whole situation was going to happen before it did........so therefore pray to him and ask for forgiveness and remember that GOD DOES NOT GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN BEAR, TRUST IN HIM! So make smarter decisions in life and get rid of that boyfriend and try and rebuild a relationship with your mom because at the end of it all family is more important. Your life may seem complicated now but THERE IS ALWAYS LIFE AT THE END THE TUNNEL.

JC

Firstly, there are three people who need a good talking to. You, your mum and your boyfriend. Very niave of you to think that an open relationship is ever a both sides agreement. When a guy says "open relationship" it normally means HE can sleep around but you're not allowed so much as to look at anyone. Proven by the fact that he got angry at the fact that you looked elsewhere. Now, onto your mum. What a complete breach of trust?! Why was she sleeping with a guy your age? Can't she get one of her own? She has gone beyond any normal human boundry and it's her I'd be most angry at. She has betrayed your trust and in one of the worst ways possible. Not only will your child be her child's niece or nephew, it'll be it's brother or sister! Your boyfriend isn't innocent either! But he can be forgiven as he seems to think with his privatesrather than his brain. However, the fact that your mother slept with someone, knowing that you had a relationship with him is what I have most trouble with. You're 16, so you really need help. Most people think there's only 2 options, abortion or keep the kid, but there's loads more. The most important thing is that you get to talk this through with someone outside the situation. You could go and see a councellor at RELATE or your ask your GP to refer you to a councellor for young mothers. They'll be able to chat through all the options. Even your local church will be able to help. Yes! I'm serious!! Churches often see women in similar situations who don't know what to do and have contacts with independant groups who can listen and give you unbiassed advice about your options. Abortion is one way. There's also adoption, for instance. Whatever you decide, get as much info as possible and go and speak to a councellor about your feelings. Talking things through will help you see clearly what you need to do and focus on how you really feel, even if you're not sure right now.

ELLISIA

ABORTION

Jessica

You should definetly find someone to talk to but also i am going to stand against the whole abortion thing because its not the baby's fault right what did it do? that would be your own fault there is adoption if you dont want to keep it. but it is definetly a personal choice. and you have to know how ready you are for a big decision like this.

jenny

hey kim, i would take a depp breath and tell ur bf about ur dilemma and id b really angry @ ur b-friend open relationship or not he has no absolute right 2 sleep with ur own mom and does he no dat he got ur mom pregnant 2 bcause if not then ur mom has 2 deal with it her own way same 4 u but u have 2 choose between school and a social life like every teenager should enjoy or trying to fit a baby in ur busy life now a baby i is a BBIIIGGGG resonsiblity but i feel soooooooooo bad 4 u im 16 as well and like lisa said i would love 2 no dat ur bf is an ex but if not dats u but u always have ur aunt or grandmother 2 go 2 ur not alone there are thouands of girls out there with ur same issues but relax and wat ever u decide its up 2 u i wish u da best of luck blessings,jen

Claire

Ok well I have only just read this and I don't know what you have done since you posted this but if you're still unsure of what to do here is my advice. Talk to your mum and tell her that you're pregnant. She needs to know so she can help you though it or with any choices you make and at the same time you can help her. Don't sway each other or push each other to decisions you don't really want to do. Support each other. Also your boyfriend (or ex depending on what's gone on since then) needs to know that your both pregnant and that you both think that he may be the dad. He has a right to know and a right to be there for his kids if he wants to be. Don't get rid of it unless you have no choice or unless you really don't want it. A child can be a wonderful event and it can change your life forever (and not always in a scary way). Keep strong and remember to be there for your mum and remember that she is there for you. There are people that care out there and will help you if you need it. Support lines and groups are there for you. Don't be afraid to use them. You've a long and challenging future and your not alone! I wish you all the luck my dear and I send you my love. What ever happens you'll be ok.

gillian johnstone

ru u 100% sure that your mums child is your bf's if they only had sex the one time she may well have bn having other sexual encounters you are goog to have to talk to your mum and get to the bottom of this you can do it face to face on the phone email or letter you also have to tell your bf if he still is you bf but if you can face bn intamit with him ever again well only you know that as for keeping the baby or not again thats somthing only you can deside ultamitly it your choice hun you have a lot to deal with and i would advice speeking to some one about what you are going through mabby a counciler as if you deside to keep your baby you will need to have your fealing sorted my adivce would be to end your relationship with your bf you may have bn in an open relationship but comancence should have told you both family and friends is off limits that was only asking for trouble use were both as bad as each other on that and now there is 2 inacent lives bn broaut in to this mess to have a half brother or sister who is your own childs half brother or sister is a terable situation to be in speek tp your mum soon and i hope for all concerned that use are not having the sames mans baby

fiona

tell your mum and then go for an ambortion.i know that it sounds cruel but you are not old enough to keep this baby.what will happen when the baby will need things such as clothes and other stuff?where will you get the money.besides that you are only a baby how will you possibly rase your own baby. and if your boyfriend is not ready to have a baby what will you tell your little one when she/he will start asking questions about its father? it was an open relationship and he didnt want you?if you decide to keep it be sure that your mum will be there for you and you have to take life for serious.you are a mother now,no onenight stands, no open relationships.

andrea && britney

damnnn! that sucks! but honestly u have a right to bee mad at ur mom && bf! i mean hello? who does that?! thats like statutory rape! but forget about all that and keep the baby! it has no fault in this dilemma that your in! -andrea i would say that i am also preg not knowing what to do because my mom would kill me and charge my bf with statutory rape. but i am not in the situation of being preg with my mom with the same guy. i do have to say that it is a good idea even though you are so young to have the kid... keeping the kid is your choice tho. meaning if you dont want it because of the situation you are in then give in up for adoption. i was adopted and if i wasnt i could have starved to death and died. it is your choice on what to do but it is not your fault. honestly i would say dont trust him even if he want to be there for you and the child. it will be too hard on you. i say once a cheater always a cheater. good luck with your desition.

Danielle

Sounds like you are going to a mom and your mom is going to be a mom. Only, your child and your moms child will either be sisters, brothers, or brother and sister, and your child will be your moms grandchild and your moms child will be your brother or sister. Now it sounds like to me that you have yourself in quite a pickle daling.

kelly

I agree that open relationships are a bad idea. It brings nothing but heartbreak to both parties and it certainly has in this case. What you mum has done is unthinkable but then again you also crossed the line when you slept with his best friend and second cousin. What i am trying to understand is that why didn't you use protection with your boyfriend as well as the other men? It was a silly thing to do if you both weren't commited compleatly to each other. But whats done is done and in the end you have to decide whether or not to keep your unborn child or not, and also whether or not to forgive your mum. Please make this a learning curve in your life. Im not saying be cellebit but at least use protection with future relationships so you and your man will be ready for this type of commitment.

sarah louise 18

O.M.G I feel so sorry for i woudnt get back with your boyfreind and as for your mum you need to tell her how you feel and ask her why she did it i also think its up to ypu if you want a baby or you dont i feel for you i really do i hope you can make ago of things with your mum because you only get one mam and at the end of the day IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO i wish you all the best and good luck with what ever you choose to do!

Jane

Hi kim what sort of role model is your mum showing to you but all said and done things happen at any age of life mums make mistakes too there only human. Kim this is not the end of the world and you've all your life ahead of you with yourself and the baby. It is important to talk through how you feel with your mum and vice versa about what has happened. Remember it's not just your mum here but your boyfriend too it takes two to tango. I do feel empathy and will be thinking of you at this time all i can say is take care of your self and the baby when he or she comes and build on your confidence and a good life good luck for the future.

Lisa

OMG! I'm so sorry for you! I dont personally believe in open relatioships, but even so surely there should have been boundaries! EG Immediate family off limits? I also cannot believe there are parents out there, no matter how drunk or the excuses, that can use their daughters partners like that! Surely that is the ultimate betraiI! Regardless of having an open relationship, she is still your mother! I cannot tell you what to do about your baby, that ultimately is your decision! But the fact you can hardly turn to your boyfriend or own mother for advice is awful! I wish you best of luck and hope that it works out for you. I would like to assume your boyfriend is now an ex?

Kristi

You and your mothers relationship is so far from normal that it borders on someone needing to call social services. Also, if he is your age, what she did is rape. If he is older, seeking romantic fantasies with older men at your age likely means you need some kind of therapy. This is seriously some Jerry Springer, I hope this is a joke.

Dave

You're sixteen years old. Do you really want a child? There's nothing wrong with an abortion.

Bela Guadalupe

Does it matter what color the kids are? As long as they are yours you should love them as they are.

Romio Ask

today's society is no where close to a civilized one..... this kind of stuff happen with pigs and monkeys where the males have sex with any and every female.

Nick

I had the same situation a couple of years ago! We had a weekend party and my daughter and wife had sex with a couple of black guys and wow they both ended up pregnant. As a husband and dad I was really upset !! The three of us talked about this a lot. We also have another daughter who is married and she told us listen, its happened and your going to have little ones around the house! Just the three of you grow up and deal with it. She didn't know the babies would be black. My kids didn't want me to leave them or there mom, they needed my support. I agreed to stay because I love my family and want nothing to hurt them. I had a hard time getting over this problem, but I did! Our two little ones are going to be two soon and really enjoy our larger family. Our older daughter had baby last year and the kids are fun to be with. A lot of work but fun. In short just deal with the situation! Your both good people and enjoy your new babies. There will be a lot of ups and downs but support each other and hang tuff

Moira McCullough

How about you go to Relate. They are the experts when it comes to relationships. They are not just about husband and wife problems. Your boyfriend is father to your baby and it would be good if they had a relationship but you don't have to have one with him. He's betrayed your trust by sleeping with you Mum. And your Mum, how irresponsible ? Do you have an Aunt with whom you have a good relationship? Maybe you could chat to her and have her support because you are going to need something and your Mum can't do it, every time you see her child, you'll be reminded of this mess.

MarandaT

That's awful, you should not be in an open relationship in the first place, you can't truly love someone in an open relationship. Furthermore, he has to pay child support to both children, unless you live with him. This is a tough decision, and since you are the only one who knows the WHOLE story, it is up to you to figure out your predicament's solution.

brewer1

i think this is a jerry moment and you should tell it to jerry!!!!!!! or maury!!!

Sandy

I think you all need to jus face this issue head on. Its nasy yes but there are children involved now so now all yall got to grow up. It won't be that bad if yall aproach it bad. Make it ur new goal to keep ur legs closed because it sounds like u n ur mom like jus sleeping around. In these times i am sure its worst out there but what happened to waitin to get married n stayin with one person. The world is filled with so many problems as it is n yall goin around messin around like its nothin. Every time u have sex wit some one u giving them a piece of ur soul. After a while once u done slept wit so many people u become all jacked up cuz u got all these different entities on ur spirit. And they wonder y people are so depressed n psychotic these days. I am sure ur life will go on jus take the days slow n make better decisions atleast for your childrens sake.

Dil

lucky guy....;p

Lisa

Kim, Who commented above. I really dont think your advise helped here. All you did was interogate a young girl, who has just found out she is pregnant along side her mother, by the same man. I think she has already asked herself all the points you tried to argue, if you cant sympathise or try to act maturely, dont comment!! Now Kim, I feel very sorry for you in this situation, I no its difficult for you, but try to get along with your mum, you need your mum most when having a baby, I speak from experience. Yes both your children will be siblings but you deal with those difficult questions when the time comes. As for you partner, tell him the situation, and give him the option to be involved or walk away, either way, you will do just fine. Concerntrate on your littlen, and try not to stress out. Most important people in this are you and your unborn baby. Congratulations and good luck!

Brittany

i say give it to your mom and him straight hurt their feelings with the truth of what they have done and tell them you will never forgive them. move in with a relative, discontinue communication with your mom and him but kick his ass first. Do such a good job kicking his ass that they call you red forman haha. my mom has came on to my boyfriends since i was about 14 and tried sleeping with them. im now 17 and in 2011 ill be 18 she is 43 and in 2011 she will be 44. discusting right? parents are seriously discusting and irresponsible now a days. i moved out at 16 and my boyfriend takes care of me since i was 15; we take care of eachother. i hope you will be a better parent to your child and set a good environment for your child and keep negative situations away from him or her. good luck and congrats.

sam

okay... i think you should talk to your boyfriend and ask him why, why your mum out of all people!?! i think this is a very...very tangled situation. i think you should focus on your baby as he or she is the most important thing. but even though what your mum did was unforgivable don't hold grudges just try to move on because honey lifes to short and congratulation

antonia packard

Hi Kim, I work for a television production company in London called CTVC. I think that your dilemma is so unique that I would very much like to talk to you about this further. Would you and your mother be interested in sharing your story with us? I think that you would be an inspiration to young girls, and that it would encourage others to speak out about the trials that they might face at a similar age to you. I hope that you have made the right decisions for yourself since, and that you have found the help that you need. If you are interested in talking about this, please email me on the email address above. Thanks, Antonia

Kim

We'll i Most say a FACT has really been left out due to all the open relationship....baby making situations. My first question I must ask in the right state of Mind would be....If you 16 How old is this Boyfriend....Forbids he is younger than 18 and your mother sleep with him. Thats a charged being overlooked. 2nd open relationships are simply headache causing when no real rules are set. The problem exist cause somewhere you having feelings for this guy. If the relationship was open it was more of just A booty call really...YOU should have been using protection. If yall are open he's free to screw whomever however. I will say that its definately wrong but really disgusting of your mother to do...but he actually was allowed best of both worlds...More for others to look down on the females about. Last but not least on this portion You are the tender age of 16YRS A tEENAGER NOT YET GROWN ENOUGH FOR RESPONSIBILITY that falls behind ignorant mistakes. School should have been what you was doing not worrying about sex or boyfriends. Life changes.Last now there is 2 innocent baby's surrounding a complicated situation already before birth...How would yall explain it after birth. Its a diaster no child chould bear. AS they get up time will prevail alot of things to them without you n mom. humans are cruel to each other...And there will be a time when those babys become teens then adults and will be forced by reality to face this mess. What support system will you apply when these kids get taunted about being Siblings to each and YOU,you being mom n sister,and all the other titles that yall be become to each other....if these questions you have no good answer to now then correct the issues before later.

Bronny

I am a so-called "Gay" man, of "mature years". I would wish for you all that love will prevail over lust, or rather, that it DID prevail. This would mean,to me, that each of you took a look at the results of your actions, forgave the mistakes you know you made, and the ones you did not know you made, and move on. I mean, learn that being loving human beings, especially towards your own children, will make you better people. The children concerned will learn to cope with the complexities their parents created, if there is love instead of just lust. My Love to all.

Allae

Look. If it was me i think i wouldn't want to talk to my mum or my boyfriend. I mean how disgusting is that! No that u had sex with the others. Just ur mum with ur bf. I understand what kind of situation your in. Congratulations with the baby though and i hope you succeed. And i don't really think your mum should carry on with her pregnancy becuase in the end, when both of you do have your babies, how are you going to explain to them about what u have done and how they aren't sister and sister or brother and brother or brother and sister. Just something close to that. So if i was you i wouldn't tell my mum to stop her prenancy developing.

emma adderley

ok! kim, first of all not only should you have been careful with the other men, but with your boyfriend aswell, as should your mum!!! your mum is out of order for sleeping with your boyfriend, its wrong! you need to talk to your mum and tell her that it was out of order, open relationship or not!! your 16.....you shouldnt have this weight. it will be your kids brother and you willbe an ant to!! this is not something you should be in at your age!! go and get your Alevels and uni! sort things with your mum and DUMP your bofriend!! be single untill your ready for a serious relationship! hope everything goes ok....and i hope you are ok too :) now i would like to say have an abortion but you are 16 in school/ college and your mum has the saeme father as your child, so

Jade

Omg serious;y [et who sleeps with their daughters boyfriend they have both completely crossed the line and hurt not only u but 2 innnocent babies!Its up2 u wat u decide to do about the whole messy situation but dont let ne1 including you bf or your mother push u in2 doing someting u r not ready4!i think u need to talk to ur bf n ur mum!Perhaps u may also be able to get completelt impartial advice from a counsellor talk to your family gp who will be able2set this up4 u!All the best pet goodluck 4 the future be thinking about ya xoxox

Iz

I dnt think that you should have the baby. Even tho it's not his or her fault I don't think it will be happy I mean how are you goio by to explain to the baby what happen? Your to young and all your going to do itls thow your life away. And If you ask me I don't think that an open relationship will work out over time.... But it's all up to what you think is good for your life. Don't think of any one else but you

Michelle

A lot of people will say to you, shoulda woulda couldas. The fact of the matter is, your in the situation your in. I say you break this down into the three seperate relationships. Now, between you and the boyfriend I doubt you'll both truly be able to let go of the fact you've both slept with each other familys. Family occasions would be so strange! But seriously, I think the insecurities left in the relationship would be destructive. How would you feel about him and your mum interacting? How would he feel when you were around his friend or cousin? Open relationships can work, but there are boundaries, and I reckon, for me, family is most certainly one of them. If you were to go on from here, which I would say is brave, you have to let go off the hate. Then whether deciding to stay exclusive or not. If you decide to stay together you frogive one another and move on, set boundaries between each others family so you are both comfortable. Start putting one another before your self and you'll always be looked after. If you decide to try the open thing again then I suggest you set out boundaries about who whats when and wheres to avoid anything like this happeneing again. A good friend of mine had a rule with her boyfriend that because they both studied away from home, that it was only in there different cities did the open relationship apply. It did work for them to a degree. Now with your mum. Your mum has shattered something very sacred between you. And it's a horrible feeling realising your mother is human full of fault and error. Growing up it's your righty to think she is strong and you come before her in her own life, because you ALWAYS should. Forever. Now whether you can forgive this, I am unsure. But I would say that she is a dangerous person to keep close. And maybe although time may be a healer, for now, my advice is to keep her at arms length and if you want to, slowly rebuild a relationship, on your terms, at your pace. Thirdly. You and the potential child. You have a choice to make. There is no glamour iin teen parenting and please be realistic about your decisions. Finances will be tough, and a baby is hard work, pregancy is also difficult. But you will also give birth to something you love and cherish. But you can have that later to do not forget. Let none of these events between your boyfriend and mum challenge your decision. Think about what you want and what you feel is the right thing to do for you. Nobody else. However factor in that the boyfriend will have a role in your life, and the life of your childs. And if it something you cannot face, then rethink your decision. Also know, as I had a termination when I was twenty years old, before becoming a mother, termination are traumatic and painful. You need someone to be there for you through it all, someone who you can trust. Really think wisely if you decide that is the way you want to go. Good luck with everything.

beth

sweetheart this is such a tricky situation. if your mum is truly sorry fir what she has done then take the plunge and without getting angry or upset talk to her about what you want to do. but explain to her what she did was bang out of order and your going to need a great deal of time to forgive her this if you choose to at all. if she doesnt appreciate this or respect you then its horrible to have to say but maybe its time to sever times with your mum. however in this case you are depriving your baby (should you choose keep it which is entierly your decision ) of a grandma and a possible sibling who (if your mum chooses to keep her baby) they have a right to now. if your (hopefully ex) boyfriend wants to be involved in both babies lives you must let him do this as both babies are innocent and deserve a right to know their father. your the same age as me and i personally dont think im ready to have a baby but if you think you can make it worrk with your baby then i have no doubt you will be a fantastic mum, remeber do not bear a grudge against your baby for this slightly twisted situation, nor your mothers baby?(should she choose to keep it) they are entirely blameless. communication is key. talk to your mum, explain how hurt and angry you are that she did what she did but sort this out together if she is equally respectful of you. if you feel too betrayed however (which i completely understand) then focus on you and your unborn baby. be entirely selfish here. for you and your babies sakes. you need to decide what is best for YOU. as you have been hurt here more than anyone. good luck darling. i hope things work out for you.

Lucy

There are a lot of people on here telling her to keep the baby or presuming that she will. It is her choice whether she decides to keep it or not! I personally wouldn't want to bring a baby into that sort of environment, and I definitely wouldn't have had a kid at 16, but at the same time she has the right to CHOOSE whether she keeps it or aborts it. It isn't the baby's fault she is pregnant, but it's not even a baby at this point, it is just a group of cells. Why does that take priority over the needs of a 16 year old girl? And what her mum did is really awful, I wouldn't forgive that.

Maggie

To be honest... I would be upset if I knew, that my mum had sex with my so-called-boyfriend. Who can you trust now? Betrayed by the most important person in the world and properly most helpful person too. And to top up the worse of the whole situation... your half-brother will called your boyfriend or maybe husband-to-be "Daddy" and will also be the half-brother and uncle to your baby. I wuld say... call off this relationship and get on with your life... but you should consider if you still wants to see your mum.

Chelsea

Thats Really insane but it aint the babys falt, if i could have a baby i would but things happen to people who want a baby and then theres people who dont want a baby n they get rid or f it. At the end of they day you will make a wonderful mum no matter what, But i also think the dad has a right to get involed aswell. Like you said it was an"OPEN" realtionship so you done and so has he. Yes it was wrongto do it with your mum but they was drunk. So Try to forget other wise it'll either runine your realtionship with your man or mum. But who you would choose?

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