'My dad's having an affair'

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I found out about a month ago that my dad was having an affair. I borrowed his mobile phone to send a text message and while I was using it I saw some pictures of him with another woman and read messages that she'd sent him.

I thought I'd keep it to myself because I didn't want anyone to get upset or hurt, but the other night I was out with an old friend of my mum's and after a few drinks, I blurted it out.

She reminded me the next morning about what I'd told her and she revealed that she already knew and its been going on for about a year.

I want to tell my mum but I think my family would all hate me. I think my mum deserves to know but I don't want my family to fall apart. What should I do ? It's making me really angry at my dad.


What do you think about Polly's confession? Should she drop her dad in it or save her mum's feelings by keeping quiet? Have your say in the comments section below

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Adeline Letour

Hello all, I think many of you ask yourself, what if i had the password of my friend / girlfriend / boyfriend, associate, life partner, etc. .. to know the truth about your near partner, and reassuring that they do not hide you something. You have the right to be reasured ! For all that are in need of this kind of services We come to your aid, feel free to contact us on our mail for any information, we will be happy to help you "Owning the information, means having the power "

Jenny Stone

I know exactly how u feel my dad is also cheating on my mum. my brother found out about it and then told me. we found some websites he'd been going on for escorts when he's at home and away on business. they were hidden and he had security protected them, so it looks like he has a lot to hide. i have told a couple of close friends but they have both said not to get involved because its between the 2 of them. i understand this, but at the same time it is driving a wedge between our family me and my brother feel like we can't trust our dad now. it is the tension that is underlying in a lot of the arguments within our family. i don't know whether or not to say anything. there doesn't seem to be a right or wrong thing 2 do, just what u think is best for ur family. x


I was 24 when I found out my Dad was having an affair and I kept it quiet. It was the worst thing I could of done it nearly destroyed me. I felt so guilty that I hadn't told my mum and the longer I left it the worse it got. My father walked into my bedroom on the phone to his girlfriend as he thought the house was empty so I confronted him about it, he lied at first and then played out a sob story so I wouldn't tell my mother so stupidly I kept quiet. I ended up hating him for allowing me to keep his 'dirty little secret' and I started drinking and hurting myself. I finally had enough and 6 years later I told my my when I was drunk, she was shocked at first but then she was angry that he had allowed me to keep the secret for him. They are still together now but they live as separate people in the same house. I'm so glad I told my mum and she believed me straight away and I wasn't made to feel like I was causing trouble. Even when you are older it doesn't feel any better


i think u should talk to your dad first and give him the chance to break it off, if he doesnt then go to your mom


I think the same thing is happening or is going to happen i don't know what to do i'm only twelve. I found my dads fone and found out he' been on a website that if your married and want to have an affair i cant believe hed want to but im scared if i tell him he might get violent


i would definatly tell your mom if she finds out and then finds out that you knew all along it will make her hate you! its not your responsibility to hide things for your dad. good luck


This is one of the worst situations to be in.. it's like your world comes crashing down! You don't fully appreciate how awful it feels until it happens to you. A lot of my friends parent's have split/divorced and until now i never really could understand how that must feel. I think my dad has been up to something with another woman, i don't know if it's a full on affair but something has been going on. I looked on his work mobile phone and found texts from some woman with just rows of kisses etc, it's very strange and i would never have thought my dad would do that in a million years. My advice would be to tell your mum because i think she would really want to know, just put yourself in her shoes and think about if you would want to know if it was you. Just remember, your mum loves you and will know that you are only telling her because you really care about her and don't want to see her hurt,none of this is your fault and your parents will have to sort it between them, it's not something you should have to try and sort out. I told my mum about the text messages and yes she was devestated (still haven't confronted my dad yet) but she said she was very pleased i had told her as it's something she definitely wanted to know. I would say tell your mum, in the long run she will be better off knowing as i doubt she would want to continue as normal with your dad if he is with somebody else. Good luck!


i found otu today my dads having an affair. i think its with another man and when i found out i was sick and cried hysterically (spelling?). its been going on for 2 years and my mum knows. They went awya for a few days and i was looking for something and i found letters. i dont know what to do... do i tell them i know? or keep quiet? its their 21st anniversary in 2 days and its the same day as my birthday, hwo do i get through the day knowing its ajoke?


im in d same situation my dad cheated on my mam in d past and she found out he said it was d biggest mistake of his life and they went conciling and eventually got bk 2gether ever since den ive had no trust in my dad...he always works away and ive always checked his fone since i was little and there wud be messages frm girls...den they all stoped i looked at his fone 2day as he left it behind and theres mesages sayin how he cant wit 2 be wit this girl and dat he will tke her and her son out 4 dinner...i feel sick 2 d stomach i dno wa 2 do...i cnt confront him bcuz he no i read his messages bt i cnt let this go on..,my ma is 2 good of a person 4 dis 2 happen 2 her shes pretty funny and has a heart of gold...i hate my dad wit evry bit of hate within me for doing this 2 her..i feel like killing him...i dunno wa 2 head is al over d place...hes always on msn aswell i no a way 2 get into his msn but it means i have 2 change his password and he wud hit d roof if he thought sum1 did da so im totally confused on wat 2 do...i need 2 deal wit this i feel so sick i cnt ever look at him again without wanting 2 hit him


but what if you say you know, and your dad just becomes more secretive and it just carries on? im in the same situation myself, and regularly find incriminating text messages, but nothings changed, he has always worked away but id say his relationship with my mum is really good. it also confuses me how the make a big deal out of wedding anniversaries and stuff... it is so hard to know what to do, and everyone will deal differently, its just bearing in mind the outcome of any actions.


You poor thing. I've been through the same situation. I was about 11, I was obsessed with a game on my dads phone + then a text popped up from this women, I would often check, but I felt sneaky. In these texts she was saying about me like how is your daughter & she would also say I bet i'm better in bed than your wife and really rude comments that for anyone of that age they should not read. I didn't want to tell my mum because I knew, like anyone, she would be distraught. I couldn't talk to my dad because I knew he wouldn't trust me. Eventually my Mum found out because my dad used a different phone & she saw and caught him. But the thing is they stayed together but trust is still an issue. When my mum found out I never told her. I actually never told anybody. It's actually always going to stay with me and I love my mum and my dad so much & my siblings and I would never want them to break up. But whats a relationship without trust. So take a leaf out of my book and decide what to do. Don't take advice from other people. I kept quiet and it hurt. But it saved their marriage and I am scared it will happen again but I think it should be sorted out by the 2 involved.


Polly I feel for you, what a terrible situation. If it were me I wouldn't say anything to my mum. I would talk to my dad and tell him to end it or you will tell your mum. If it was my familty I would be happy to keep the secret to keep the family together, as long as he ends all contact with this woman. If you feel your mum should deffinately know about the affair, then I think you should give your dad the chance to tell her first. Best of luck!


I'm going through exactly the same thing but it's my mum thats having the affair. I know exactly how you feel when you say you don't want your family to fall apart. I want to confront my mum about it but I'm scared that if I do she'll decide that its time to finally end her marriage to my dad. I don't know what to do...

gillian johnstone

speek to your dad let him know that you know and are not prepaired to condone this tell him he must ither chose your mum or his mistress and that he must come clean about this to your mum ither way tall him he has x amount of time to do it or you will can you emajen if your mum found out from some one eles and found out you knew she could see this as sideing with your dad and condoning his affair best of luck to u on this one


what a position to be in. I really feel for you. Having said that this is something you cant just ignore out of respect for your mum.If the shoe where on your foot wouldnt you want to be told regardless of the hurt it would cause. I feel that you should give your dad every opportunity to tell your mum. approach him about this and tell him he must tell his wife whats been going on. Give him a time limit dont let it drag on and tell him if he doesnt tell her by then you will. He will not like you much but i fel as one woman to another you should tell her. who knows this could be the making of their marriage making it even stronger or not but at least she wont be living a lie. Good luck


can you have a talk with your dad firs. explain that you are aware of the situation. tr and be sympathetic, though i know it will be hard. but maybe this way you could be a better position on how his view of the matter. (how serious itt is, what his intensions are) at least then you would be in a better frame of mind as what your next step would be. it may even spur your dad into speaking to your mum, and resolving the situation. the other way round, is to send a text to your dad (number witheld) saying that you know that he is having an affair. this may seem drastic and a bit stern, but maybe shock your dad into aking a step to end the affar in fear of someone else, unknown, telling your mum. i hope this helps, all the best. i really hope things work out. good luck

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