'He cheated, then I cheated'

(18 ratings)
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My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year-and-a-half. We have a lot of fun together, share just about everything and have amazing sex. But there are problems.

For some reason he thought that it was OK to go online and talk to older women. He also started sending them texts, telling them how he wanted to 'hook up'. After about 2 weeks of him not wanting to be around me I started to suspect something was wrong. So I hacked into his accounts online, and found out that he was still using the dating site we met through to meet other women!

From this point trust went out the door and I broke it off for a few months. But eventually we talked everything through and got back together.

Since we have been back together he's cheated a second time. Only this time it was with a random girl who he met at a club. I only know this because once again, I got the same feeling that something wasn't right so I hacked into his mobile phone bills online, found a number, called it and it was the girl - she told me everything.

Once again, trust has run right out the door and I'm left not knowing what to do since I do love this man so much.

For 3 years I've known another guy through the internet. We chat sometimes and he gives me the attention I need when my boyfriend's being flaky. We'd never met face to face, and I never really wanted to as he has been with his girlfriend for 2 1/2 years.

But recently I decided to meet up with him. He was nice and lovely and we began to grow close. One weekend I was visiting a friend in the area where he lives and he contacted me saying he wanted to meet up. Before I knew it I was having sex with him. I thought when it was over, I'd feel guilty but to be honest, I don't at all.

Now I don't know if I should tell my boyfriend, stay with him and try and make it work, or let him go seeing as he cheated first? I'm not happy to be a cheater, but I was only doing what I thought was right. What should I do?


What do you think about Jamie's confession? Should she stay with her boyfriend now they've both cheated or are they just not meant for each other? Have your say in the Comments section below...

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Read last week's secret: 'My friend's going off the rails'

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two wrongs dont make a right im going through this the same as you and i havent slept with anyone all though i have been accused of it im not as bad as him... all though i have been tempted to sleep with one of his mates it would just cause a whole lot of trouble. me and my guy still sleeping together he says he has stopped sleeping with her but not sooo sure as he still has his mobile and does not like me seeing his phone i have had nasty messages from the girl as though its my fault and my kids fault which it isnt at all


Definatly, there is no trust and it happens after someone has mistreat, now.......what you also did wasn't right and from my point of you, you did out of revenge...... to have a healthy relationship you can not do the stuff that he did to you, u know how much it hurts, start by being honest to you and to him...ask for a time off.....figure out if you still have feelings for him or are u with him because u can't find someone else better or are u so used to him that u feel like u can't live without him... I got 4 simple rules: 1. Call your bestfriend; you are going to need to talk to somebody, what a better way then to be the person that you can trust 2. Buy yourself a sexy outfit and go out with your off all that anger 3. Wear something cute, go knock on his door, drop everything he ever gave you such as picture frames, teddy bears or love letter but you have to make sure he is at home. This not only gives you the chance to move forward but it leaves him thinking, remember the saying " You don't know what you got until it's gone!" 4. Don't rush into same/other relationship. That's if you forgave him..This allows you to heal and to discover yourself again. Go travel, maybe a spa or just maybe change your hairstyle...i'm sure you will LOVE it.

gillian johnstone

there is no trust or honisty in this relationship use are both wrong with what use have done but he has proven his self to be a cerial cheat and as you said you dont feal guilty i think you already know this relationship is dead cut your losses and walk away


If two kids get in a fight what does Mum say? "I don't care who started it, I'm stopping it". You need yo put an end to the cylce and get out of this relationship. I'm not condoing what either of you did, nor am I codeming you, but two wrongs don't make a right. You've seen that your boyfriend cheats on you and it not only shows that he can't be trusted, but that he has no respect for you or your relationship. By staying with him, your effectively saying "it's OK for you to cheat" and you have no respect for yourself. Don't kick yourself about cheating, kick yourself for not getting out sooner. You'll soon find a decent guy who will treat you with the respect you deserve. Plus, the other guy's girl should do the same, because he obviously doesn't really have any respect for her, or you, either.


Perhaps you are expecting compersion because of the circumstances. As it is you are both polyamorious and seem to be comfortable except for comuication. Relationships can be complicated and there are alot of people, we can not be compatable with everybody. Maybe you can probable benifit from this site, it has alot of resources and links:..

no offense

There are trust problems underlying all of these. Of course, if you feel like the boyfriend is cheating or flaking off, you tell him how you are currently feeling. Some one loving and caring would try to change or try to resolve the problem. It is not alright to go through his private materials however, you do have the right to take precaution and protect yourself from being hurt, but not to intrude others. Rather than feeling angry about what you've seen, talk it out together, don't assume and misunderstand as these are the things that kills relationship; confirm if it is really true and see how he reacts. But reading what you've wrote, it seems like you've been talking to a guy way before you know your boyfriend was talking to a girl. I really don't know the real story behind this so I don't want to assume anything. In any case, you both are wrong. And also, the one you are in love with is the one you should trust, not some girl you found on his phone. If you can't trust each other, a relationship cannot be sustained. Sex is a very sacred bond to a relationship, in my opinion. If anger and disappointment make you go have sex with another, then you are as wrong as he is. Be a better person, don't cheat and be the same as he is.

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