Sexplanations: 'My husband wants to have anal sex'
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Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.
The problem
My husband wants us to have anal sex more often. He likes it and claims that most couples are really into it. I find it painful and only agree to it because I love him. Is this really something that lots of people do. I'm too embarrassed to ask my friends.
The solution
I've heard that some women do enjoy anal sex - but I've never met one. Most women tell me it does little for them and they avoid it. And some, like you, actually find it really painful. Plenty of women do agree to it occasionally, just to keep men happy. In fact, it can be a special treat on a bloke's birthday!
As you've found, this is a difficult subject to talk about. Until about 15 years ago, it was illegal in this country - even for consenting married couples. Before reliable contraception, some couples used it instead of vaginal intercourse. It seems to have become more common because it's in porn films, and this makes some men think that everyone must be doing it.
More guys than ever before are viewing porn because it's easily accessible - and this is having an impact on the bedroom. If you don't like anal sex, don't do it. Ask your husband how he'd like a big, stiff object inserted into his bottom.
Done a lot, anal sex can cause a leaky bottom. Unlike the vagina, the rectum is full of germs, which can cause infection - especially if a couple goes on to have vaginal intercourse without the guy washing his penis.
If you do it occasionally, use lubrication and make sure that you're relaxed and that your husband takes things very slowly and gently.
- Read more sex advice from Christine Webber
- There's more advice from Christine in this week's bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.
- Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on sexplanations@ipcmedia.com or to us on goodtoknow
By Charlotte Gunn
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Please leave a comment, tip or story in the box below
jane, 6 months
Scott--actually ,as you're not the one recieving the anal sex ,I don't think you have room to talk. I 've been giving my husband anal sex for about 15 years ,and I now have a leaky bottom due to streched anal muscles and also very unpleasant skin tags which cause iching and also make it difficult to keep the area around the anus clean. It also never stopped hurting all through those years .My husband also got so used to it that he didn't want vaginal sex ,because he has a small penis .He was also never grateful and actually complained when I told him I would have to stop due to the damage HE had done to my anus .I have since divorced him. So if you love your wife ,I suggest having sex with her in the hole that's mean for it .
Report this commentScott, about 1 year
I'm a 45 year old man who has always enjoyed anal sex with all of the women in my life. I've been married for 10 years and my wife and I do it as a regular part of our sex lives, maybe 2-3 times per week. The misinformation that anal sex can "cause a leaky bottom" is utterly absurd and incorrect. The anus is, in fact, designed to expand and contract. I know of no person this has happened to nor have I ever heard such rubbish. Sounds like a scare tactic to me. Perhaps the author is morally opposed to the subject. Sure, anal sex is not for everyone. As you say, many women aren't interested and in fact many heterosexual men are not interested in doing it with their women either. But for those who are adventurous, the rewards are great. It brings intense intimacy and pleasure for both partners. In my experience, women have had the biggest and most earth-shattering orgasms of their lives via anal sex. Remember - if it hurts, you're not doing it correctly! - Scott
Report this commentBrittney, about 1 year
My boyfriend of 3 years asked me to do it and I agreed because I trust him and love him. It was uncomfortable at first, but after I relaxed and rubbed myself I experienced an amazing orgasm beyond anything I have ever felt before. Since us girls don't have prostate glands to get in the way, I believe the ability to relax is the only thing that stands in the way of enjoying anal sex with someone you love.
Report this commentTiffany, about 1 year
My husband and i have tried it once, it hurt so bad...i can't explain it, but it's like stretching something that shouldn't be stretched! my husband totally understands me, he's fine with it, because he loves me, and Marriage and Love isn't all about the sex, you should respect your partner on a deeper level than that. Or so me and my husband think. by the way Fie, vaginal sex is not boring, if you do your research, there are TONS of sex positions that you could/should try, but that is if your wife wants too, but i don't see why she wouldn't! trying new sex positions is a fun thing, try to spice up your sex life by trying a new sex position every week, like a special super orgasmic weekend or something, hell if your both up to it, everynight! i recomend that for anyone who has a stale sex life.
Report this commentfie, about 1 year
I have the same Problem But the different between me and your husband is : I can't never ever force my wife for something like that ,if I felt any sign could mean " I doesn't want to do it " I change to normal boring sex "vagina" I mean
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Stephanie, 2 months
About a year and a half ago, I had tried anal sex once with my ex-boyfriend and had sworn to never do it again, due to the fact that it hurt badly and he caused me to bleed. I have recently gotten a new boyfriend and he wanted to try it with me. I said no at first, but after he promised to be very gentle and to stop if it started to hurt, I gave in and let him. It wasn't very enjoyable or comfortable at first, but once we got going, I enjoyed it. I can't say it's as good as vaginal sex, but it may come close. Taking the advice of the author and readers, I wouldn't engage in anal sex very often, but it would be a nice change on a birthday or special occasion.
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