Sexplanations: 'He's jealous of my vibrator'

Sexplanations: Jealous of my vibrator | Sex problems answered | Sex advice

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Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

My new man is keen to be a good lover to me. But before him, I lived alone for six years - and fulfilled my needs with a vibrator. My guy is upset because I use the vibrator to give me a climax after we make love, but it's what I'm used to. Shouldn't he be able to accept it?

The solution

Reaching orgasm can be complex and elusive for us women, so I appreciate that your vibrator gives you climaxes at the flick of a switch.

But your man wants to bring you to a climax, too. I bet you'd feel rejected if he toyed with you a bit, then turned away and penetrated a blow-up doll. Even if he added: 'I hope it's OK, but this is the easiest way to get satisfaction.'

Vibrators make some men nervous. In fact, some feel inadequate if a woman uses one - particularly if it's oversized. I'd never want to deny you a climax, but during your solo years, you've tended to view sex as a physical release - much like a sneeze. Making love is rather more than that.

You can't have a fulfilling relationship with a vibrator. It can't talk to you, compliment or affirm you. So put it aside - at least for now. Relax and let him excite you instead.

New habits take time, but through his stimulation, you may rediscover sensations that have been missing from your solo sex sessions.

Hopefully, if he feels he can satisfy you himself, he'll gain in confidence and then won't mind if, once in a while, you introduce your vibrator into the proceedings - just for old times' sake. Mind you, if he's blowing your mind by then, you may not want to!

- There's more advice from Christine in this week's bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.

- Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on sexplanations@ipcmedia.com or to us on goodtoknow

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