Sexplanations: 'He can't perform without Viagra'

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Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

My new man is lovely, divorced, like me, sweet and romantic, and I never thought I could enjoy sex so much. But he's now told me that he takes Viagra, as he's had erection problems since his ex-wife left him. I feel insulted that he needs to pop a pill to get turned on with me.

The solution

I'm sorry that this has come as a shock to you, but it was very brave of your new guy to tell you his secret. Erectile dysfunction (ED) is something most men feel seriously ashamed about. Many of them don't tell their partners, even if they've been with the same woman for decades.

There are lots of jokes about Viagra transforming guys into sex gods, but the scientific truth is that it doesn't turn them on to sex, or put them 'in the mood.' It has no effect on the mind at all.

What it does do is give a man a reliably stiff penis, widening the blood vessels so that more blood can get into his organ. It's not a magic pill to turn a man on. It just helps him perform.

Having ED - or being impotent, as it used to be called - is one of the worst things that can happen to a man. I know this because my husband is a doctor specialising in sex problems. When anti-impotence drugs first came on the market, I can remember the sheer joy of his patients as they got their erections back. They looked years younger and happier. I suppose you could say that they felt like real men again, and that mattered a lot.

Your boyfriend must think you're very special, or he wouldn't have confided in you about the Viagra, so I hope you'll get over feeling insulted.
The only thing you should be concerned about is that his ED might not just be down to psychological reasons. It may indicate a physical illness, such as diabetes. So he should see his GP for a check-up.

But my guess is that he was just very hurt when his ex left him, and that as he gains in sexual confidence with you, he'll soon give his little blue pills a miss.

- There's more advice from Christine in this week's bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.

- Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on sexplanations@ipcmedia.com or to us on goodtoknow

By Charlotte Gunn

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Katie, about 1 year

Erectile dysfunction is defined as a condition where a man is unable to gain or keep an erection, which is required for satisfactory sexual activity between himself and his partner. Erectile dysfunction is also called impotence. Erectile dysfunction includes the continual failure to achieve an erection and the inability to maintain it. Viagra is a drug that doctors prescribe to help men with erectile dysfunction to have sex. Impotence is the inability of the penis to become rigid (hard), or to stay rigid long enough to finish having sex. Sildenafil, the essential ingredient in Viagra, helps maintain that erection. When a man is aroused, a chemical called cyclic GMP triggers a chain of reactions that ends up relaxing the penis muscles and letting extra blood flow in. Rigid muscles don't cause the hardness of an erection; the extra blood does.

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