Sexplanations: 'I want my sex life back'

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Conception Bring some romance into your life
Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

My best friend and her husband are getting divorced. She says it's mostly because they haven't had sex for two years. This has me worried! My husband and I have busy jobs, plus two teenagers to look after, so sex gets neglected. How can we revive it, as we still adore each other?

The solution

Wisely, you've reacted to your friend's break-up by deciding to pep up your own sex life. When people are busy, it's very easy for sex to be put on the back burner. But it can happen that one of the couple gets sexually attracted to someone else - and bang goes the marriage.

So you need to make time for intimacy. I know that may sound calculating, and spur-of-the-moment sex is better. But spontaneity isn't working in your case, is it?

Maybe you could both finish work early on a certain day, so that you can have a midweek fixture! Weekends can also be a good time, particularly if your teenagers are out with their friends.

If you know sex is on the menu, you can get in the mood during the day. You could start 'sex-days' by giving your man a kiss before work, whispering: 'There'll be more of that later!'

I also urge you to go out on a weekly 'date'. This keeps the romance going, even if you just go to the cinema or pub.

As for the bedroom, vary your routine. If you normally do the missionary position, get on top. Give yourself an orgasm while he watches - this usually drives men wild. Or treat him to a strip tease!

Take it in turns to decide what form your sex sessions will take. Watch an erotic film together, or ask your man to write a really sexy story and read it to you in bed.

Finally, go for a weekend away once in a while - without the kids. This should give your lust levels a boost, as most women feel sexier on holiday!

- Read more sex advice from Christine Webber

- There's more advice from Christine in this week's bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.

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- Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on or to us on goodtoknow

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I definitely agree with spicing things up a bit - I've been married for 24 years and sex had taken a back seat. It's hard to "be sexy" but it's well worth the effort, it's all in the mind for women, if you feel sexy and loved, you are sexy! Buy some sexy undies, put on black stockings and high heels - I hadn't worn high heels for 20 years, if I'm wearing my bathrobe when hubby gets home, he never knows what's underneath, if anything! Get in the bath / shower with your hubby, buy some flavoured lube and /or a sex toy and really let go and enjoy yourself. New postitions are good for a laugh and may yield good results, sexy texts are great, good for a giggle but it lets your partner know you are "in the mood". It's hard with teens around but mine are at Uni now so we have lots of time for fun - sex is way better in my 40's than my 20's.

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