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'My boyfriend won't stop cheating!'

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Cheating
Emma needs your advice about a man she's seeing who keeps cheating on her. Read her story and offer her your opinions

I used to date this guy, was at a low time in my life and hadn't been in a relationship really for 12 years. When I finally had the guts to go out in town, I met this guy on the first night. He said he was seeing someone, but it was nearly over, and would it be ok for us to be friends.

Anyway, I found out he was seeing at least two girls when he was with me but told me as we got to know each other the other girls would fade into the background (ok I know should have run then)!

We lasted two years, but there were so many lies. I remember him getting a few texts from other women, a phone call from some women saying: 'Are we meeting later Hun?'

He said although she was an ex, they were just friends and met up to go clubbing sometimes. He used to take another ex out for meals, and then would meet up on Sundays with another one! BUT he always told me they were just friends. And then one day I saw one of these women in his car, when he'd said he was at his daughter's house. I actually was on the phone to him when he said this, and then saw him arrive at his house with this woman. I found out they'd just been out for a meal!

On another occasion I met two women in a bar and as they were a bit older I said jokingly to my friend: 'Bet he'd like them!' I then found out he already had one of the women's numbers and took them out for cocktails one afternoon. One of these women then texted him when we were having sex and he actually stopped to text her back... twice!

Again he states they are only friends. But I went through months of torment. I was at an all time low and even went on anti-depressants, but I stayed with him as I believed some love is better than being alone again for so many years.

Now a few months on he says he wants to try again. We had weeks of talks and I kept asking him 'Are you going to be faithful?' Then a few weeks later he admitted he wanted to see other women too! So I told him it was over.

There were other incidences too, but the recent thing is that he's now saying he loves me and wants to be with me. He says he's changed and that he loves me and then pleaded me for weeks to give him the chance to prove he has changed. I kept repeating 'If these women are still around, I DO NOT want to know!' He never really answered my question so I had a feeling they must be.

I went round his house to talk about our future and low and behold there were birthdays cards to him from these women! So he'd lied to me - well not lied but deliberately withheld the truth! He said he will tell them to leave him alone, as it's me he wants. But then he decided he wouldn't do this, and said he wants to keep one as a friend! But the other one he admitted he used as a doormat and she was just sex on tap so he'd break it off.

A month on, excuses, no meets. He's decided he won't do this for me either, says he only chats on the phone, nothing more. And I should give him a chance to prove he has changed. Now he thinks he is right in this.

Has he really changed, already weeks of lies?! He was sleeping with these women behind my back, he even told me how good sex was with one of them! They cause destruction, harm, arguments, mistrust, loss of respect. Should I put up with these women still being around? One of them who he used to love although (arguably), I said ok have your contact, but the other he used for sex, I said had to go. He agreed to this but nothing happened again. Also, if he says he loves me so much wants our future together why when I tell him I can't cope, would he would actually walk away from ME...not THEM? He literally chooses them, over me! There are other women, I will never find out about! He knows I'm writing this and wanted me to say about all the abuse I give him. I say over and over his actions cause my reactions. I feel with his past history he needs to move heaven and earth for me to trust him again! Is that not understandable? He's positive I'm wrong for my worries and concerns, but I feel out of principle and respect I deserve better?

Honestly people I would like honest replies. Am I wrong? Or am I right? What should I do? Thanks all x x x

Give Emma your advice by commenting below!

Continued below...


Where to next?
- Reasons why men cheat
- Cheating confessions

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Ralph Schreiber

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Annabelle

P.S. Also, I am a really pretty, in-shape lady, eight years his junior. Some men are just jerks. What can you do?

Annabelle

As someone who has been dating a cheater for over two and a half years, I'd say, that typically he won't stop. My boyfriend has never been able to commit to me; our lives are separate and in turn it's been an emotional roller coaster. He definitely blames me. I found this advice "He may try to justify their infidelity by convincing himself you’re the bad guy." I have been the bad guy this entire time because I tried to talk to this girl. She doesn't want to know; and yet texts him every day. Eventually I'll leave him. I just haven't found the right time. Good luck!

lottieshihab

hey i have read your article and would like to suggest the idea of either breaking up with him or getting your own back by slitting one of his balls open the next time he cheats.

Alea

3 weeks ago My wife fill a divorce letter saying he can nolonger stay in a marriage of life time without a child, bcause i cannot impregnate a woman. I felt so bad because she agreed on it before we got into marriage and she didn't have a problem with it. Now she said she has seen another man whom she now love. It hurt me so much because i love her too much. So i seek for help on the iternet so i found talks on a spell priestess that do spell, her email is priestessifaa@yahoo.com, she was the one that then do a still to restore the lover my wife had for me when we met newly. The spell priestess did it and my wife came back and apologise and cancel the divorce. We are together and even more than when we newly met. The spell priestessifaa@yahoo.com is more than anything for happiness of life.

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steph

Get rid!! you already did the hardest part by breaking it off so dont ruin it now by ging back to him just to have to do this again one day and it being even harder!!! Your better than that!! He will NEVER EVER change no matter what he says! Please dont belittle yourself by being with him! Do you realise how amazing your character is to have put up with someone like that for so long and still be so understanding and reasonable towards him! And then theres him, a user, who wont change for anyone so please dont take it personal! You have prooved your 1000000000 times the person he is just in what you have just said! and you will find someone who deserves you one day soon! Get rid of him, get closer to all your mates, get some confidence, enjoy yourself!! you dont need him or anyone else for that matter, concentrait on bettering yourself so that one day he looks at you and thinks DAMN what did i let her go for! If you dont want to do it for yourself do it for all us girls out here that are fed up of cheating lying men using us and lying to us!!!!

Michael

I've been through the same experience with my ex. Trust me, it's better to leave that bastard and be single than staying with him and continue to let him hurting you. I hope that you're getting help and taking steps to move on from him as I am with my ex-bf. I did caught my ex-bf cheating on me twice with the same check-out girl and had no respect for me when he made out with her in front of me. When I caught him the second time, I had made no contact with him and avoided him too and I'm looking forward to move house too to live closer to my family.

Karen

Girl, what are you doing to your self, he`s been lieing cheating and god knows what ever else, it seems as if he has hold of you, and controls you. You don`t need a man like that, if he says he loves you then why cant he leave them girls alone for you. Honestly you deserve better, I know you still love him because your still with him, you got to have a bit of will power and let go, until he is ready to commit, or if he ever will that is, time is too short to be fooling around with some scum man that doesn`t even respect you. If he don`t have repect for you now then he will never will. He is is desperate for your love then why is he still cheating, have you asked about his past maybe he feels that he must cheat because he has that power and domanition over woman, wel girl I hope you make the right decision because has they say "once a cheat, always a cheat".... x

tracy

Do you really have such low self esteem that you would put up with that sort of behaviour. Instead of worrying about him worry about yourself and why you are letting this loser have so much power over your life. My advise get rid of him, get some professional help on building up your self esteem, you will eventually meet someone who will give you the love an respect you deserve, life's too short.

irene

sweety move on once a cheater always a cheater hes not worth your time he never was now its time to go find someone who is worth your time you can do better then him you deserve to be first in someones life not last because from reading your story i can tell he was first in your life!

Mick

dump the cheating bastard! (pardon my poor french most complicated language in the world is french) if he's doing all that to you darling then he's really no worth it. He's scum! It's people like him that make it hard for women to trust us guys! I know this probably sounds strange coming from another guy(fyi i'm not gay) but I can't stand lassies like yourself being mis-treated by guys who can't keep their dicks in check. Send him packing babe you can do a hell of a lot better than that pigion faced motherfucker(again my french is terrible)

Zahara

sweety, move on. he is a lying cheating and unapreciative freak. you are 100% right, you deserve better than that. if he wants his ex-girlfriends he should have never broken up with them. He is a sorry excuse for a man and you need to dump him. You are gorgeous, sexy, smart, and beautiful. you will find a good man. he is not yours dear. dont make him waste your life. you will hate yourself when you realize you wasted your life on this rubbish you call a man. there is no future there honey, i'm sure you know that and i ask myself what future did you hope to discuss. move right out of his life.

Whitney

Hey emma, you really need to let this guy go, he is not worth all this pain your going through for him. For real, if he loves you as much as he says he does then nothing will stop him from cutting off all these women from his life. Also, love is what you make it out to be and believe me your capable of loving someone else and leaving this guy to his other women. Change your number, move away for a bit do what it takes to get this guy out of your system because staying with him is wasting your life away and all throwing all your future prospects out the window. There is this song by Keyshia Cole 'Let go' and it says: "if he aint gonna love you the way he should then let him go, if he aint gonna treat you the way he should then let him go" but my favourite part in that song is "it aint where he's at but its where he wants to be", if he's with you and he's on the phone to other girls, texting other girls..doesn't that give you a clue that with those girls is where he may want to be? Move on and go get better :)

Lindy

what makes you thick he will not do it again? move on find a better man who can treat you like a queen. l know its difficult but let go my sis.

Yvette

Please,please dont waste anymore time on this man he obviously doesn't respect you or care for you. If he did he wouldn't be with other women. Go find a decent man that only wants you and not other women do you really want to continue being treated second best?

Vicki

Emma, you are worth so much more than that. Why waste your time walking around with a frown when someone else could be falling in love with your smile.

Kitty

Please, move on, you don't need a baby, you need a MAN and the two years you wasted on him could have been wasted on finding Mr. Right. He will eventually dump you or comtinue with what he's doing. There's no such thing as 'THIRD' chance. He used up his second chance, now move on.

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