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'My husband cheated on me with my friend!'

(16 ratings)
marriage, marriage problems, cheat, cheating, affair

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Can you help our reader Kaye? Her husband's had a seven year affair but now wants her to forgive and stay with him. The question is, should she forgive and forget? Read her sex story and help her decide what to do!

My husband of 35 years has been having an affair for over seven years with a woman that used to be my friend.

When I finally confronted him, he admitted to the affair and immediately said he wanted marriage counselling and to work it out with me. He also, without an ultimatum, said he would never see or talk to his lover again.

For a long time before the affair, our relationship suffered because of his lack of respect and caring for me and my disinterest in sex. He told me he began the affair to have sex but it grew out of his control.

I found lots of emails where his lover obsessed over our marriage and tried to get him to leave me. He didn't leave me but told her he stayed with me for financial reasons but that he really loved her.

Now he's being romantic, loving and considerate. How do I and should I forgive him and learn to trust him again?

What should Kaye do? Can you offer her some relationship advice? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Have you had a similar experience? Do you want to share your story with us? Email us with your sex stories.

Continued below...


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Johny

No do not forgive him. If he had been cheating on you for 7 years, why would he not want marriage counselling before? A man in that way is dis-honest and it is very rare he will change fully. In my opinion, you will find a much loving and honest man, dont worry! :)

Becky

Don't forgive him. If you do he'll think you are soft and that he can get away with anything. Have sme dignity and leave him.

RethabileMpho Motloli

forgive him, we learn frm our mistakes so he realy has learnt

Lorraine

Not you sorry.

Lorraine

Have some dignity and kick him to the kerb. You deserve more.

Rebeca Kasak

Men don't even think about that, its all about the chase, the lust and the sex and the excitement and thats what drives them to cheat as addicted to hot-wild passion.

Adeline Letour

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Penny

You need to leave. There is no such thing as a man who cheats and then becomes faithful. He will continue to cheat, despite having everything. The lure of a bonk with someone else is all too much. Sorry

vickie

I say kick him too the curb.He doesn't love you or respect you and if he could lie for 7years what else is he lying about. you are still young enough too find true love and even if you don't atleast you will have your selfrespect,honor and dignity.no woman should put up with that garbage.And as for the person trying too blame you for having a low sex drive thats alot of rot.Don't believe them there is no excuse out there for men like this

Paula

I had been married to my husband for 26 years when he started an affair with one of my friends. I chose to ignore the affair thinking it was a 'mid life crisis'. This in hindsight was the wrong decision it carried on and the strain made me ill. After another one of there long weekends away together, I locked him out of the house and dumped his belongs outside. Yes life has been hard,supporting teenagers through exams and caring for elderly relatives at the same time has not been easy. He will not agree to a divorce so I have to wait 5 years. I have good friends and a social life, and gone to college to gain some qualifications, I still have 2 years at college to go, I was aiming to go to university but I simply can't afford it. I never thought when I was in that dark place that life could be better, but I wish I'd had the courage to dump him when I first discovered affair. I have just started a new relationship the first since I dumped my husband, and after more than 32 years out of the dating game it is daunting. Make the most of your life you are worth more than a cheating husband, only you can change the situation he will carry on regardless of your feelings and it will eat away at your self esteem. It will take time but you can do it. Good luck

Jo

I'm trying to figure out why you would even consider, after 7 years of deception to do anything but get out, and get out fast! I stayed in an unhappy marriage because I was afraid of the 'world out there' as a single woman, fear of being alone, fear of not enough money, just all round fear! But years on, I wish I had done it sooner, and my ex and I are now good friends, as I am with his wife, but I would never, ever return. For you, I think it's about self esteem. If I had done this, or that, it's also my fault. Sure you aren't perfect, and maybe forgive a fling, but 7 years of deception! Kick him to the kerb girl, you don't deserve that no matter WHAT you have or haven't done!

gezza

Unfortunately even if you continue with this marriage you will never be able to trust him again.Get out while you can it will take a long time to get over but it will be worth it. From someone who'se been there.

emm

I think you should definitely dump this user. Obviously he wants to keep half his wordly goods and his mistress. Men have such tiny egos, they just cant resist someone boosting it up for them!

Angie

I think the most (and for me, the only) reasonable thing to do is for you to get a divorce. You said it yourself that he's still with you for financial reason. Do yourself a favor and dump him. Don't let him break your heart and misuse your trust (if you ever can trust him in the future) again. You're too good for him.

Sam

This is very difficult. Id been with my boyfriend for two years when i found out he'd cheated on me with numerous local girls. Many i knew of and were distant 'friends'. Close friends of mine had seen him on nights out with these girls and told me but stupidly i didnt believe them. The main reason for doubting them was that i was 6 months pregnant and terrified of being alone. I finally confronted him and he admitted the whole lot. How stupid did i feel?! It took time and a hell of alot of tears but i learnt i could live without him. Then two days before our child was born, he begged to come back to me. Me and him are now back together. It takes time for trust to come back and that doubt that hes at it again creeps in from time to time. Especially when the skanks that he went with crawl out their rocks to try and cause trouble. We are now stronger than ever. We talk to eachother about everything. You need to kick this 'man' into touch. Go out and enjoy yourself. Show him that other men find you attractive and you DONT need him. He'll realise the grass inst greener. Like most men, he was probably blinded by his own ego. A woman showed him some extra attention and he loved it. Have time on your own, you may even realise that you dont actually want him anymore. You need to make a choice. i decided to forgive, but i will never forget and will be on guard, looking for the signs in future. I hope you find the answers your looking for. Good luck!

d roberts

35 years married is a long time. I wonder whether you had ever done anything about your low sex drive, and if not, why not? Was this your way of dealing with his lack of respect? I think there are other issues here other than the affair.... Is he just being nice to you now because he will have to give you half of everything? I would find a 7 year affair a massive mountain to climb over. If you still love him (I don't know how you could if you no longer trust him) you need to go to Relate or something similar to see if there is any life left in your marriage.

kelly graham

Would you ever trust him again? my ex-husband had an affair and we tried to make it work but for me it was always at the back of my mind,if he was 10mins late in from work i would automatically start thinking the worse 6 months after the affair was discovered we called it day on our relationship even thou we had a very young baby i hope you can sort things out but 100% understand if things dont. You will feel guilty and usless and very unatractive

Brooke

I think you should cut your losses and leave this man. He's not worth it. Leave with your pride, and your head held high.

sartaj singh gill

yes.. i think...u shud forgive him..m not saying dat u shud start trusing him.... jus giv sum time... da time will heal da things dat happend.....

sue ann chalmers-wilkes

I agree with Tracey's comments. Seven years is a long while, that was more than a fling..If I was the lady concerned that amount of time for me would be too much. She should cut her losses with him. Too many did they do this or that,go here or there,,whatever he tells her,she will always wonder if theres more. Quit now.

Kristina

Hey, in my experience, i didn't find out until several months after the relationship so i can't imagine what you must be going through. I'm very sorry to hear about what has happened. I think you need to take time to cool down, you must feel very hurt after all but trying to sort this out while angry will worsen the situation, it will make you feel worse. A lot worse. Although he is very much in the wrong, sometimes, doing things to spice up your sex life can really help things and it could change things for you too. He has done something that has really let you down, but if you both still really want things to work, consider marriage counseling and try to work through things by supporting each other. Your husband was a classic version of a man that got in too deep and couldn't get out. Now he has a reason, he has you. You two will come out stronger...Good luck!

mike

as a man that has done a simular thing to his wife and can honestly say that my wife went off sex when we had been married for 20 years and i had an affair with her best freind that was over 10 years ago we had 4 children at that time and when it came to the crunch I am the one that told her she refused to believe me at first until she realised i was being truthful i offered to leave But she wanted our relationship to work its now ten years on with 4 more children a second chance can work but its down to working together and forgiving each other men are weak when it comes to sex My wifes sex drive has completely gone now and its not the be all and end all as long as you are loved the worst part of having an affair is the children finding out and as i now have adult children one of the girls still hates her father even now she wont forgive and forget and will always be angry with me but thats the price of hurting her mother and her that i have to live with i love her as much as all my other children hope you get some

Jay

I am in a relationship, my advice would be that you calm down and talk to him there is no point in hot headed, vengfull divorce or break up, the marriage is 35yrs, I feel you should forgive him.

Tracy

A one time"mistake" can be forgiven, but seven years is a long time. there were emotions invovled and the L word had been said on both parties. If you never had confornted him would it have continued. this is the question you must ask yourself. It's up to you what you do,but there is life after this whether with him or without. Good luck.

wanasita

my name is wanasita, im from jakarta indonesia. i have some similiar stories like urs but its friend's stories. and believe it or not, i think one time if ur husband or ur bf cheated on u, its possibility the next time he will do again. i find many cases on that. even in my family. may i suggest, if u give him ur forgiveness thats mean u re ready to forgive, ur heart and ur mind. u have to turn the next page in ur life without put the past time in ur relationship. its hard to forgiveness but if u love and still want to be with him, u have to try to give pure apologise. apologise its bout an "ego", to fight with ur ego to forgive. everything has consequences, every ways u take. u have to be ready for everything. but put in ur mind that everything will b ok, and this is only bout exam for ur life. if u can go through this, u will be the "winner".. good luck

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