Case: My man's a cheat

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Cheryl Cole Ashley Cole split

Relationship problems file

Case: My man's a cheat - should I stick by him?

When the first allegations of Ashley Cole's infidelities emerged, our hearts went out to Cheryl who'd seemed so loved-up. Despite a brief split, Cheryl weathered the storm and seemed determined to stand by her man. And as time passed, the couple seemed to be working through their problems and moving on. But then further shock revelations about even more alleged infidelities, not to mention some explicit sex-texts, Cheryl finally left Ashley.

It's a familiar story and many of us who've gone through a similar thing will understand the hurt and confusion Cheryl must be feeling. But what do you do when despite the heartache your partner's caused, you still love him? Do you try to make things work?

Relationship and love expert Dr. Pam says:

'I'd never advise a woman who has been repeatedly cheated on to stay in a long-term relationship. One betrayal is devastating and very hard to forget and move on from despite relationship research showing that 60% of couples do stay together after infidelity.

'However if your partner decides to treat you so cruelly again and again it's unlikely they'll change. The only chance of them learning why they behave this way is by going to counselling to get to the bottom of what underlies their bad behaviour.

'If you do decide to stay, it's crucial you also get help to learn how to set your boundaries on any future bad behaviour and to gain the confidence to leave if you decide you should.'

Will things ever be the same if you decide to stand by your man? Can a relationship recover from a partner's unfaithfulness?

Dr. Pam says: 'Relationships can recover and sometimes end up stronger and better. But - and this is a big but - that only ever happens when the two of you get to the bottom of the cheating behaviour. Together you need to identify what went wrong and why that partner cheated and plan how you'll move forward. Then the cheater has to prove themselves to be reliable and trustworthy over time.'

Continued below...

We've got even more info on what to do if your man's been having an affair and we take a look at some of the reasons he might be cheating on you.

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It's not only the cheating that's the issue. My Husband cheated on me after 5 years of marriage. He was pretty cold and cruel, and it was touch and go whether we would survive together, but we did, and everything was fine afterwards for 20 years until he did it again.... Again, I just couldn't bring myself to throw him out as I love him so much, but it has left me with deep and lasting psychological scars. When he was young, he was shy and quiet and didn't have much success with women. I came along and fell in love with this shy quiet sensitive guy, and I think he was bowled over that some woman found him attractive, so he married me. In my head, I am convinced he thought I would 'do' until better comes along, and it did, twice. He tries to convince me that this isn't true, but no matter how hard I try to believe him, I just can't. I used to be reasonably attractive, but I have let myself go because I don't believe I will ever be attractive to men. I really wish now I had had enough strength after the first time to kick him out.

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