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How to be a happy couple

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A couple kissing outside
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Every couple goes through bumps in their relationship. So what's the secret of those happy couples you see kissing and cuddling their way through life? It's not that difficult. Relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr reveals the easy, everyday things you can do to be happy in your relationship.

'I really believe that happy couples are made up of people who are happy in themselves' says Dr Pam. 'So let's start with that all-important you. To be a happy couple, think about how these three things in yourself might affect your relationship:'

1. Identify your 'script'
All of us live by a life-long 'script'. This is like a film script, where we each play a particular 'role' in relating to others. We don't even realise we're doing it.

Your 'role' begins when you were a child and your family came to expect certain things of you and your personality. For example, if you're the first child, your parents have many hopes for you and expect you to behave a certain way - like being responsible and acting grown-up.

Or maybe you're the youngest and when speaking about you, family members call you 'the little one' or 'the baby'. All the expectations that go with being the baby - like needing loads of attention - are heaped on you.

We carry our roles into our romantic relationships - as the baby you always demand attention from your partner. Or as the first-born you expect to be listened to.

Think how this might apply to your relationship. Could the role you always play - like being the baby - be damaging it? Armed with this knowledge you can break free of any damaging things in the role you play.

2. Identify your 'fallback position'
Next identify what is your 'fallback position' in relationships. This is when you always react the same way in certain situations. Like when you're angry, you always go off in a huff. You simply can't stay put and face your differences with your partner.

Or when you feel neglected, you always create a drama to get attention. Your fallback position can be very damaging because you do it automatically and never think about the consequences. Try identifying when you do this and fight the urge to use this fallback position. Don't react in the same, damaging way when faced with the hurdles that every couple faces.

3. Identify your rose-coloured expectations
One of the most common problems people have in their love-life is overly high expectations. Yes, of course you want him to be romantic, but do you really expect him to send you flirty, loving texts every day? Or always surprise you with little gifts or flowers? And even to remember the anniversary of the first time you kissed?!

Always expect to be treated well, but don't ruin your relationship because he can't give you some Hollywood-style, romantic dream.

All pages in this article

  1. 1. How to be a happy couple
  1. 2. Top tips for happy couples

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Dani

Only it both partners agree on that issue.

Rebeca Kasak

In today's life, I think the most common things for which couples are being happy are - compromising on the television schedule, being honest, retaining a degree of secrecy and accepting each other's faults all play a part in a happy marriage

Razr Khan

Very good article. Just Rated it with a five star rating. All relationship indeed depends on how both sacrifices for each other. If it is a relationship between a girl and a boy, an emotional feeling is required while having sex. Razor Male Escorts. Thanks

Kityee Cheung

This has enlightened me on how I am as a person and what I expected from my relationship. I will definitely work hard on those areas that are less positive. Thank you very much goodtoknow

khulud

does marrigge work without sex??? plz answer

Robena

OMG! this is so me, I just got an eye opener...always being the "baby' of the family I got a lot of attention and probably demands it unwittingly. My guy sees it but I don't and deny it vigorously. its wearing him and pushing him away. Boy, have I got some work to do! thanks Dr Spurr.

lucy

this makes a lot of sense but i dont know which way to use it. my hubby and i dont have sex at all now. at the beginning he just pushed me away so now i have given up. there is a huge invisible but very much felt wall between us so i dont know how we are to break it down. i think i may be doing something wrong, maybe he is, i dont know cause he wont talk about things!!

Kayla

This really helped me! This definitely applies to me! Thanks :)

chris

yo ur husband should count how lucky he is to have a loving wife like you alot of women would stray fairplay to you my partner strayed with bloke from her works for 2 years i was gutted still with her though after 6 months apart the kids got me back twin girls age 8 my life again your husband is so lucky you are so nice good luck in your life chris

kim

my husband and i have a relationship that is not all about sex. witch is great at first but over time it has become no sex at all and he is half italian,(HAS I READ THAY ARE ONE OFF THE BEST LOVER IN THE WORLD) what has happened then, I really don't know understand at first i thought it was me but its not i am sure its him. we have this great big tablet between us

emy

When I read this article I was so surprised how much it applies to my relationship. But when I was reading it loud to my husband expressing my interest he commented saying, it is like reading your star sign, you mould when it fits. I don't agree with him. However I like to have a love life but I need tips to help me how to start with a very hard minded husband who believes in.....I don't know really what he believes. He is a very straight forward person, faithfull and caring but he miss understanding my feelings and passion which I have explained t o him before but he doesn't get it. I need help pls.

Cat

Good advice thanks GOOD to Know

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