‘My flaps were on fire!’ Woman issues hilarious warning after ‘bush fire’ reaction to mint and tea tree shower gel

A woman’s Facebook post has gone viral after she issued a hilarious warning about her ‘bush fire’ reaction to a scented shower gel.

The unnamed blogger, who runs the Facebook page ‘I Know, I Need to Stop Talking’, told her 54,000 followers that she’d run out of her usual shower gel, but found an unopened bottle of Original Source mint and tea tree product.

‘My bodily cleanliness was assured once more. I breathed a sigh of relief,’ she explained. ‘I took the Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel and began to work it into a lather. I applied it to first one leg, then the other, and shaved them diligently. (Yes, feel free to be impressed at my commitment to body defoliation at 6.45am on a Wednesday morning. I was too.) So far, so good.’

‘I washed my arms and shaved underneath them. I washed my neck, breasts, stomach and back. Thus far, it had been a positively first class bathing experience.’

‘And then. AND THEN. Oh. Dear. God. MY VAGINA WAS ABLAZE.’

She added that she wondered if she’d accidentally managed to apply hair removal cream ‘which was strictly not for front bottoms to my front bottom’, exclaiming: ‘MY FLAPS WERE ON F*CKING FIRE’.

‘I frantically scrubbed my flaps, which by now felt as though they were being ceremoniously scrubbed by ants wearing ice skates laced with chilli sauce. “7,929 tingling leaves” claimed the front of the bottle. Tingling? TINGLING? This wasn’t tingling my minge. It was starting a fucking bush fire down there. (Pun entirely intended. You can thank me later),’ she quipped.

After writing the post, some 12 hours later, she admitted that the reaction had calmed down, ‘though may well be suffering from as yet unconfirmed PTSD’, and thought she’d pen the piece in the interests of ‘public safety’.

‘May I suggest a rebranding of the front of your bottles of Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel?’ she concluded. ‘Something along the lines of the following:

‘7,927 tingling leaves which will accost your genitalia until it screams for mercy. If nothing else, it will certainly stand out on the shelf.’

‘Anyways, thanks for brightening up my morning. And my front bottom, which has never been so lively.’

Her message, alongside a shot of her holding the offending bottle, has been shared more than 122,000 times, and received hundreds of comments from bemused (or empathetic!) readers across the country and beyond.

‘I used this on my little boy when he was tiny, didn’t think about the effects. As soon as I had scrubbed him clean he announced that his ‘winky had pins and needles’,’ one responded. ‘He sat for an hour with a cold flannel on him and still likes to remind me of his trauma.’

‘Omg crying so much reading this and the comments !!!! – this shower gel is some kind of pure evil!’ another said. ‘Do NOT use on your delicate bits people…… You. Have. Been. Warned !!’