
Love a good laugh as much as we do? Browse the funny jokes that are making us giggle at the goodtoknow office...
Love a good laugh as much as we do? Browse the funny jokes that are making us giggle at the goodtoknow office…

Why are crabs trying to take over the sea?
Because they’re shellfish!

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Dishes.
Dishes who?
Dishes a very bad joke.

I’ve got a joke about Elton John.
It’s a little bit funny.

Two fonts walk into a bar.
The barman says: ‘We don’t serve your type.’

What do you call a teacher with no arms, no legs, and no body?
The Head.

Knock knock
Who’s there?
A little old lady.
A little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!

I told my mum that I’d opened a theatre.
She said: ‘Are you having me on?’
I said: ‘Well I’ll give you an audition, but I’m not promising you anything.’

Two lions are walking down the aisle of a supermarket.
One turns to the other and says: ‘Quiet in here today, isn’t it?’

What’s red and sits in the corner?
A naughty strawberry.

A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink.
‘Evening’, says the barman. ‘Why the long face?’

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day.
…but I couldn’t find any!

Doc, I can’t stop singing the Green Green Grass of Home.
He said: ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’.
‘Is it common?’ I asked.
‘It’s not unusual’, he replied.

Why are robots never afraid?
Because they have nerves of steel!

What is small, red and whispers?
A hoarse radish!

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!

I rang up BT and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’
The operator said: ‘Not you again.’

Why did the bees go on strike?
Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers!

I said to the gym instructor ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’
He said: ‘How flexible are you?’
I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays.’

Did you hear about the man who stole a truck load of eggs?
He only did it for a yolk!

How does a barber cut the moon’s hair?
Eclipse it!

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We’ll see about that!

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Myth.
Myth who?
Myth you too.

There has been a theft at Euro Disney.
A man has been charged with taking the Mickey.

Who appears in cowboy films and is always broke?
Skint Eastwood!

Hotel guest: ‘Can you give me a room and a bath, please?’
Receptionist: ‘I can give you a room, but you’ll have to take your own bath.’
Where to next?
– Love cheese? Check out our hilarious cheese jokes
– Funny picture of the day
– Browse our selection of cute and funny animal pictures