Love a good laugh as much as we do? Browse the funny jokes that are making us giggle at the goodtoknow office...
Love a good laugh as much as we do? Browse the funny jokes that are making us giggle at the goodtoknow office…
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Why are crabs trying to take over the sea?
Because they’re shellfish!
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Knock knock
Who’s there?
Dishes.
Dishes who?
Dishes a very bad joke.
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I’ve got a joke about Elton John.
It’s a little bit funny.
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Two fonts walk into a bar.
The barman says: ‘We don’t serve your type.’
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What do you call a teacher with no arms, no legs, and no body?
The Head.
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Knock knock
Who’s there?
A little old lady.
A little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!
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I told my mum that I’d opened a theatre.
She said: ‘Are you having me on?’
I said: ‘Well I’ll give you an audition, but I’m not promising you anything.’
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Two lions are walking down the aisle of a supermarket.
One turns to the other and says: ‘Quiet in here today, isn’t it?’
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What’s red and sits in the corner?
A naughty strawberry.
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A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink.
‘Evening’, says the barman. ‘Why the long face?’
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day.
…but I couldn’t find any!
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Doc, I can’t stop singing the Green Green Grass of Home.
He said: ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’.
‘Is it common?’ I asked.
‘It’s not unusual’, he replied.
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Why are robots never afraid?
Because they have nerves of steel!
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What is small, red and whispers?
A hoarse radish!
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What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
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I rang up BT and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’
The operator said: ‘Not you again.’
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Why did the bees go on strike?
Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers!
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I said to the gym instructor ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’
He said: ‘How flexible are you?’
I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays.’
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Did you hear about the man who stole a truck load of eggs?
He only did it for a yolk!
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How does a barber cut the moon’s hair?
Eclipse it!
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My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We’ll see about that!
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Knock knock
Who’s there?
Myth.
Myth who?
Myth you too.
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There has been a theft at Euro Disney.
A man has been charged with taking the Mickey.
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Who appears in cowboy films and is always broke?
Skint Eastwood!
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Hotel guest: ‘Can you give me a room and a bath, please?’
Receptionist: ‘I can give you a room, but you’ll have to take your own bath.’
Where to next?
– Love cheese? Check out our hilarious cheese jokes
– Funny picture of the day
– Browse our selection of cute and funny animal pictures