A poll of goodtoknow women revealed that the thing that most annoys you about your men is that they aren’t romantic enough, with 23% of you saying it was top on your list of annoyances.
Romance is probably the most important part of a relationship when it first starts but after marriage, kids, work, bills and other daily-stresses it’s one of the first things to suffer. Gone are the romantic weekends away, flowers at work and breakfasts in bed and instead you’re lucky if he’ll give your feet a rub in the evening or even remember to buy a card for your anniversary.
Where’s the romance gone?
So, what can we do about it? We asked relationships expert Dr Pam Spurr why she thinks men lose their romantic side in long term relationships and her top tips on how to get it back.
‘Except for the rare man, most men simply look at relationships in terms of the comfort factor, so if it’s a comfortable situation happening and they feel good, then that’s the goal.’
‘Often it’s not a reflection of a bad relationship when there’s a lack of romance, often it reflects that the man is very satisfied and he’s in his comfort zone. Yet women still want that extra element, the comfort and the romantic factor.
‘We’re always thinking ‘How can we make this better, how can we make it the best possible relationship?’ – our expectations, when it comes to romance are definitely bigger than most men’s expectations.’
So are we being too demanding by wanting a little more romance in our lives? Not according to Pam. ‘I don’t think its about women demanding too much, I think our expectations are high and we don’t quite know how to get the compromise between our high expectations and our man’s quite basic expectations for romance.
‘If we can realise that most men don’t mean badly by their lack of romance, that there is compromise to be had and they’re not mind readers, then hopefully things will get better.’
It’s easy to get wrapped up in the lack of romance in your relationship but it’s important to remain positive rather than critical and remember that sometimes men need a little helping hand being romantic.
But what if you’re tired of trying to be romantic and just want something in return? While Pam says your man won’t change into Cassanova overnight, most men, given a little inspiration and guidance are willing to get back to being a little bit more romantic.
‘No-one should expect to get back the honeymoon phase romance but you can recreate elements of that where you treat each other with a little more kindness and a little bit more love which also is the basis of kick-starting romance.
So, if you’re fed up of your man’s lack of romance, we’re here to help – follow our guide to how you can get your man to be more romantic with our 15 handy tips.