How to cope if he’s having an affair

How do you cope after an affair has been revealed and how do you decide what’s best for you?

When a partner cheats, there are many things to think about. What about the kids? And does it matter if it was a one-night-stand or a longer affair? It can be devastating to discover that the person you loved and trusted has betrayed you so brutally by having an affair.

So what should you do? We’ve got the expert advice you will need to get you through this difficult time, including how you might feel, whether you should forgive and what will influence the decisions you will need to make.

You’ve just found out he’s having an affair!

Your world has fallen apart. One minute you feel so angry you want to explode, the next you’re sobbing because you think it’s all your fault and you don’t want to lose him.

‘This is completely normal,’ says Relate relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall. ‘Many women are surprised by the way they respond in the early days and weeks after an affair. Your reaction can vary hugely, depending on the circumstances.’

For example, some affairs are a definite signal the relationship is over, others happen in a “moment of weakness”.

‘Just remember, you’ve experienced a major loss, similar to a bereavement,’ says Paula Hall. ‘You’ll be confused and shocked.’