Mum left ‘heartbroken’ because 13-year-old daughter wants to change her name

A mum has been left ‘heartbroken’ after her daughter told her she wants to change her ‘old-fashioned’ name – but what would you do?

The unnamed woman took to a parenting forum to ask for advice, after her daughter revealed to her that she wants to change her ‘old fashioned name’.

Writing on Mumsnet, the mum said: ‘DD [darling daughter] is 13. She had recently been saying she wants to change her first name as it is “old fashioned” and says that with our surname it sounds like an old ladies name.

‘I’m heartbroken as it is a name we picked for her because we loved it. We can’t really shorten her name and we’ve never used the associated nickname. I just can’t my head around calling her something else. AIBU to keep calling her by her name?’

She later added: ‘Her name isn’t something that’s really thought of as an older name at all. Her middle name is also apparently an old people’s name according to her. . I guess I am being selfish but I love the name so much that it would feel odd calling her something else.’

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The post was quickly flooded with suggestions from other mums on how she should handle the issue.

One said: ‘Would she be prepared to use her middle name primarily and then just have a her first name for formal occasions? You’re not being unreasonable to be disappointed but it is her name so it is her choice. Equally she is 13 so shouldn’t make any rash decisions.’

Another wrote: ‘I don’t think you CAN tell her ‘sorry names can’t be changed’… she’s 13 not 3, she will find out pretty quickly that that is a lie.’

A third also said she changed her name at about the same age: ‘I changed my first name at 14. Slightly different in that my parents had chosen an absolutely ridiculous ‘out there’ first name and by then I was living with my grandparents.

When I first said I wanted to change it my grandparents asked me to explain my reasons and then said they’d like me to give it 6 months and then see if I still felt the same. When I felt the same they agreed to allow me to change it and support it.

‘One thing to say though – I have 3 very close relations who never supported me changing my name and who refused to use my ‘new’ name (which was actually my middle name anyway – thankfully my Nana had persuaded my Mum to give me a normal middle name!). I have no relationship with any of them now and the name thing is primarily the reason why. So do think very carefully before refusing to support your DD. If she genuinely does hate her name it could be having a very large impact on her happiness.’

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