99% of the time, kids are adorable. With their sweet smiles, funny games, sing-song voices and hilariously random musings, they’re veritable rays of loveable sunshine, and we love nothing more than listening to their inane thoughts and ramblings.
However. Every now and then, some children will break character and come out with something so creepy, so sinister, so monstrously terrifying that in that moment you are totally and completely certain that they are the spawn of Satan, not yourself. Forget nursery rhymes and awkward questions, when these little ones go dark, they go REALLY dark – as the users of Reddit have proven below.
From seeing ‘visitors’ that aren’t there, to making predictions that actually do come true, threatening random incitements of violence to the kinds of questions even the most prepared parent would fail to answer, these kids have turned up their creep factor to the absolute max, and petrified their poor parents in the process.
Here are 18 of the creepiest statements little ones have EVER made – prepare yourself for the incoming nightmares…
1. The time where there was an unexpected guest
“‘Go back to sleep, there isn’t anything under your bed.’
‘He’s behind you now.’
Still haven’t gotten over that one and shiver at the memory.”
2. The time where they were REALLY hungry
“Kid (4 year old): I want a cupcake
Me: No. Kid:
I want a cupcake, please?
Kid: Whispers If you give me a cupcake I won’t cut your neck.”
3. The time where dinotalk got serious
“When my 2.5 year old and her friends were hanging out, the topic of T-Rex and other dinos came up.
I asked her friend: ‘If you were a T-Rex, what would you do for fun?’
He answered: I’d chase herbivores!
I then asked my daughter this question: ‘If you were a T-Rex, what would you eat?’
She got very serious and looked me right in the eyes and said:
‘Children. I’d eat children.'”
4. The time where sibling rivalry got scary
“My 3 year old daughter stood next to her new born brother and looked at him for awhile then turned and looked at me and said, ‘Daddy, it’s a monster…we should bury it.'”
5.The time where love was taken to the next level
“A friend of mine’s child told him, ‘Daddy, I love you so much that I want to cut your head off and carry it around so I can see your face whenever I want.'”
6. The time where they asked about the birds and the bees
“My 4yo son is at a stage where he is questioning life, existence, and death. He recently asked me: ‘Mom, when you were a baby, was I dead in your tummy?'”
7. The time where career goals got concerning
“I asked my 3 kids what they wanted to do when they grew up. 10-year-old Jason said, ‘I want to be a teacher’. 8-year-old Mitzi said, ‘I want to be a writer. 6-year old Nick said, ‘I want to run the machine that cuts the heads off the chickens. Allll-righty then.”
8. The time where greed overruled sanity
“So, earlier today, my (almost) 4 year old came into the living room to tell me ‘Mommy, I want you and Daddy dead so I can have the money and buy all the toys'”
9. The time where bedtime went bad
“I was tucking in my two year old. He said ‘Good bye dad.’ I said, ‘No, we say good night.’ He said ‘I know. But this time it’s good bye.’
Had to check on him a few times to make sure he was still there.”
10. The time where siblings should probably have been seperated
“‘So I shouldn’t throw him in the fire?’
3 year old daughter holding her baby brother for the first time.'”
11. The time where they managed to scare and insult you simultaneously
“5 year old: ‘Mommy, when you die I want to put you in a glass jar so I can keep you and see you forever.’
To which the 6 year old responds: ‘That’s stupid. Where are you gonna find a jar that big?'”
12. The time where relationships weren’t quite right
“I jokingly asked: ‘What’s the best way to get a girlfriend?’ 7-year-old’s response: ‘Tell her to be my girlfriend or she’ll never see her parents again.'”
13. The time where Christmas wishes weren’t very merry
“Three-year-old’s Christmas card: ‘Merry Christmas, hope your last one is the best.'”
14. The time where insects caused creepy confusion
“My two year old has been running from rooms screaming lately. The reason is always ‘a guy! a guy!’ I’d go in the room and ask what was the matter. She would point into the empty room, terrified, whispering ‘a guy!!!’ At first, I thought I’d need to rethink everything I thought I believed about ghosts. Then I realised ‘a guy’ was actually ‘a FLY.’
She is terrified of flies.”
15. The time where philosphical questions became truly unanswerable
“‘Daddy, remember that time we died?'”
16. The time where skincare got serious
“I was sound asleep, and at around 6am I was woken up by my 4 year old daughter’s face inches from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, ‘I want to peel all your skin off.’
The backstory here is I had been sunburned the previous week, and was starting to peel. In my sleep addled state, however, it was pretty terrifying for a few seconds. I didn’t know if I was dreaming, or what was going on.'”
17. The time where cutlery definitely needed withholding
“My noticeably pregnant sister and I were having a conversation at the dining room table. My 4 year old son was also present and asked my sister if there was a baby in her belly. She affirmed. He, completely straight faced, slid from his chair and headed for the kitchen saying ‘We need to get it out. I’ll go get the knife.’ I don’t even know…”
18. The time where psychic powers just couldn’t be explained
“Yesterday my 3yo son told me ‘today’s [sister’s] birthday!’. I went into labor last night.”
Yeah, sooo… excuse us whilst we spend the next hour rocking back and forth in a dark room.
What’s the creepiest comment YOUR children have ever come out with? We’d love to hear them – leave us a comment and let us know, and we could add their quote to our collection!