When most mums are expecting, their biggest fear is the pain and uncertainty of the day they give birth.
However, in a recent emotional post, one mother has revealed why she found the days AFTER her children arrived to be the ‘darkest’ and ‘hardest’ days of her life.
Laura, who is mum to Luca and Sofia, took to her blog, Mum on the Run, to explain why she’d struggled so much in those first days.
‘When I was 37 weeks with my son I started to think about labour. On one hand people told me that it was going to be the worst pain I’ve ever felt, so I started to wonder if I would survive it. Would I die in labour?’ she wrote.
‘When people ask me how labour was now, I tell them it’s the easiest thing you’ll do.’
‘I never thought the first days of having a child and it being the darkest days and hardest days would ever be in same sentence,’ she admits.
‘I went from being cared for, and being asked “how I’m feeling” in my pregnancy, to giving birth and being forgotten. Making coffee for the revolving door of guests that came leaving my house in a worse state than it was.’
‘I went from being offered seats and smiled at politely from strangers to receiving death stares if my baby cried, from being treated like precious cargo to be expected to cook for estranged distant relatives and host a clean a house when my body just gave birth to the thing that made me precious before.’
Laura says that the constant pain – ‘my lower back, my vajayjay, everything – breastfeeding made me clench my teeth and scream’ coupled with a lack of sleep and a nagging feeling of uselessness drove her to despair.
‘Where was this organic mother I was supposed to be?,’ she asked. ‘I became angry, and bitter. A rage in me came out, and it was strong. I wanted to smash walls and break chairs and lay in a heap and cry because I was so tired and frustrated that nothing worked.’
Her post ends with a reassurance to others mothers that things do get better – but also a warning not to underestimate how strong you have to be to get through the early days of motherhood.
‘I could tell you they get better, and the dark days get lighter, and they do,’ she concludes.
‘They must, especially when you go back for more children. There must be a reason why we put ourselves through that torture. I still have the dark days, but I can handle them. I have balls now… or rather, I have a vagina, and damn it they can take a good beating.’