A mum has opened up about how the birth of her daughter helped her grieve for her baby son – who died almost one year before his sister was born.
Mum Mikhailla Glossat and her fiancé Edward were dealt a tragic blow when their son, Foxx, passed away just three days after his birth from the bacterial infection Group B Strep (GBS).
Writing in her blog about the heartbreaking experience, Mikhailla said: ‘It’s hard, reliving the memories over and over again. Questioning every part of my pregnancy and birth but trying not to blame myself. A year on, I don’t blame myself. I don’t blame anyone.’
The mum continued to explain what happened, saying she was tested for the condition, but the test came back negative.
‘Five hours after birth he presented ill after all initial vitals showing he was healthy and perfect. He was admitted to NICU and put on antibiotics and shortly after began fighting for his life. Three days later he lost that fight. I have felt pain but nothing can compare to the pain of losing your own child before they even have a chance’, she wrote.
But just one month later, Mikhailla discovered she was expecting again and just 14 days before what would have been her son’s first birthday, she gave birth to daughter Elle Fitzgerald.
‘I look at her and feel my heart piecing back together. It was life’s way of helping me to grieve because it was allowing me to still be present with my emotions of the loss of our son before beginning to enjoy the pregnancy with our daughter’, she told Daily Mail.
‘Every now and again I would feel her kick though at unexpected times and I remember sometimes sitting in my chair at work and a tear rolling down my face not with sadness but pure happiness because for the first time I was feeling joy through all this pain.’
Understandably, Mikhailla revealed that she felt a ‘little nervous’ and ‘anxious’ through certain stages of her second pregnancy.
She added: ‘It was an easy going pregnancy with everything going well but some little nervous things along the way. At 30 weeks I felt a change in movements and became anxious. I think you just become open to the fact that there is so much that can go wrong and it does make you more nervous knowing you’ve been exposed to the worst kind of pain before… you really fear feeling that again.’