Loose Women panellist Nadia Sawalha has revealed how she suffered three tragic miscarriages in private before giving birth to her eldest daughter Maddy.
The 51-year-old star told the Loose Women audience that she lost her first three babies and it left her ‘not right in the head’.
On Monday’s show, the ITV show hosts – Coleen Nolan, Andrea McLean and Jane Moore – were discussing the heartbreaking topic of baby organ donation.
During the candid conversation, Nadia opened up about her three miscarriages, the final time being forced to give birth at home four and a half months into her pregnancy.
It was after this tragic stillbirth that she revealed she’d decided to keep the foetus in her freezer because ‘I didn’t want it to go anywhere.’
The former EastEnders star, who played Annie Palmer in the BBC One soap, added; ‘I remember when I had my third miscarriage and I actually had it at home and delivered it, and all of that. I was not right in my head.’
The mother-of-two made her frank admission in relation to the topic of organ donation and said she still isn’t sure how she would have felt about the subject if she had been asked at the time.
‘Now I don’t know what would have happened if somebody had come and asked me at that point cause I was just so strange.’
Nadia with husband Mark and daughter Maddy
Andrea commented; ‘It’s an incredibly difficult decision to make, but some good can come out of a terrible circumstance.’
The London-born star has been married to current partner Mark Adderley since 2002 after her five-year-marriage to Justin Mildwater broke down in 1997.
Nadia concluded; ‘There’s that connection, that sort of lioness still comes out. I wasn’t able to do anything, I wasn’t able to protect. I’m not ready to let go.’
Eventually the family had a burial for the baby, Nadia adding; ‘It’s good that we discuss this, because I didn’t know that you could actually do this.’
Nadia has previously opened up about her pregnancy struggles on the panel show, trying to raise awareness and break the taboo around dicussing miscarriage; ‘If we actually think about it, what is the reason that we don’t tell people? A lot of the time it is superstition, if we tell people something will happen.’
‘It’s really difficult to have that conversation, I got enormous support after I had my second one and my third one which was the hardest of all because it was much later on and I had to go through a birth.’
She now has two children, Maddy, 13 and Kiki, nine, both of whom she home schools after removing them from a top private school in London.