11 phone calls every parent will get from their child at uni

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  • Your little angel has flown the nest. They’ve gone off to uni, and are bravely navigating their new world of 9am lectures, Monday night drinking and figuring out how to use a microwave that’s different from the one at home.

    You couldn’t be more proud of them, but no matter how independent they claim to be, you know it’s only a matter of time before they come crawling back.

    As soon as they’ve got a problem, your phone will be ringing off the hook, and you’ll be expected to solve their emotional trauma a matter of seconds – from inter-flatmate relationships to basic daily chores, here are just some of the desperate pleas you can expect to hear from the other end of the line. After all, mum (and dad!) know best!

    “I’m really poorly…*sniffs*”

    Probably because you haven’t eaten a vegetable in six weeks, darling.

    “How do I turn the washing machine on?”

    You press the big button that says ‘on’. Yes, really.

    “The oven here doesn’t work.”

    It does, I’m just not there to put food in it for you.

    “Have you got my bank details?”

    How much this time?

    “We’re going on a pub crawl tonight!” 

    Please try to come back with a functioning liver.

    “I’m calling from my friend’s phone…”


    “I aced my essay!

    I’ve never been so proud!

    “I’m so hungover I was sick in my bed and then slept in it.”

    I’ve never been more ashamed.

    “Everyone keeps making the kitchen messy…”

    You have two choices – clean it, or tell them to. The dish fairy doesn’t live with you anymore.

    “I’m coming home this weekend…”

    Yes, I WILL stock the fridge and wash your sheets. And what’s that? Yes, I will send you money for a train ticket.

    “I miss you!”

    I miss you too. But if you bring that massive hamper of laundry home at Christmas and expect me to do it for you, you’ll be back in halls before you can say Santa.

    Where to next?

    16 reasons your teen had a meltdown
    The 15 most annoying kids TV shows

    15 types of Christmas Day dad

    8 times you may have used your children as mini slaves