There are two types of people when it comes to Primark – those who can’t handle its rough-around-the-edges charm, and those who know that it is truly where the bargains are AT.
Shopping in Primark is a, shall we say, unique skill. From ridiculously cheap shoes to handbags you’d never know weren’t real leather (if you stand far enough away and squint your eyes just right), there’s always something news and exciting to buy – but you’ll experience a wealth of hurdles to overcome before your glorious new purchase is safely in your hands.
If you’re the kind of mum that loves a spot of Primarni, you’ll know what we’re talking ’bout…
1. The mess
Ugh. Don’t you wish bargain hunting and jumble sale chic didn’t always have to be simultaneous?
2. The temperature
If you ever needed definitive proof that Primark is located in the third ring of hell, it’s the heat.
3. The fact that there are no toilets
You’re going to be here for at least an hour, and you’ve brought children. If whoever owns Primark is a parent, they should know that we NEED bathrooms.
4. Having to dress for WAR
A trip to Primark is like a marathon, and you’re only going to get everything you want if you’re basically in battle armour.
5. Constantly telling the kids how much of a bargain their purchases are
‘Do you even KNOW how much your school uniform would have cost me in M&S?’
6. But then routinely spending more than double their budget on yourself
Those sucky-in pants were an essential purchase, and you’ll hear not one more word on the matter.
7. Some people’s attitudes
Is it a rule that 50% of the Primark population have to be either pushy or rude?
8. Finding something you love and them not having it in your size
The cruellest of life’s Primarni-based occurances.
9. Falling in love with a different item, but then realising it’s a bit expensive ‘for Primark’
I mean, if it was Next, sure, but more than £20 for a coat at Primarche? No dice.
10. Losing a good portion of your young life in the jewellery section…
Yes it will turn you green, no, in that moment you do not care.
11. …and even longer in the shoes
£4 sandals, come to mama.
12. Owning more pairs of pyjamas than you do actual outside clothes
You might even own a onesie. The possibilities are endless when they’re under a tenner.
13. Thinking you’re finished, and then seeing the homeware section
Throw pillows and blankets and candles, oh my!
14. The queues ALWAYS being at least 100 people long
But still you begrudgingly join the back regardless.
15. The kids spotting the endless rows of Haribo and Pez by the tills, and all hell breaking loose
You buy one, just to quiet them.
16. YOU spotting the bargain slipper socks and mini lipbalms by the tills, and all hell breaking loose
You buy three, just to quiet yourself.
17. Your till number being called, but someone else getting there first, and hovering nervously until a kindly staff member takes pity on you
Cashier 12, our affair could have been so sweet.
18. Having a male, teenage cashier on a lingerie run
So awkward. So many bras.
19. The fact that the total is always WAY more than you think it’s going to be
£147?!? ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY SEVEN OF YOUR GOOD ENGLISH POUNDS?!? How can you have spent this much? It’s Primark, it’s all like £1. Maybe you got 147 items.
20. But you always come away with WAY more than you expected to buy
Oh yep, the three maxi dresses, the five pairs of pyjamas and the bagful of sofa cushions. Now that receipt makes a little more sense.
21. Getting outside to discover it’s raining, and the paper bag literally disintegrating in your hands
Of course you care about the environment, it’s just that you care about your new £6 fake suede pumps more.
22. Getting home, and realising the size 14 hanger actually had a size 6 dress on it
So you’ll have to go back.
And the cycle begins again…
But it’s okay because:
But you do. And it’s Primark.