Mum shares hilarious list of things you don’t have time for when you’re a mother (and they’re all TOO true!)

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  • Some things fall by the wayside when you have a baby and that’s to be expected.

    But mum and journalist Emma Bartley really hit the nail on the head when she shared a long list of things that you no longer have time for when you’re a mother – and the internet agrees.

    At the top of the quickfire list, published on Get the Gloss, is sleep, ‘obviously’, followed by sex, ‘mercifully’.

    Also on the rundown is ‘culture’, ‘apart from box sets, on which you become a world authority’ as well as ironing, the time for which ‘has now been reallocated to stain removal’.

    Emma Bartley

    Emma Bartley updated her profile picture.

    Next up is ‘conflict resolution’. ‘If you see my husband, tell him I’m not talking to him,’ she adds.

    At number 9, Emma writes: ‘You think you’ve got stress incontinence because your pelvic floor is weaker. In fact, it’s because you drink coffee for nine hours straight and don’t even think about going to the loo until you’re having a sneezing fit at a pedestrian crossing and – oops – it’s too late.’

    The laughs continue: ’12. Fringe trims. Seriously. I can barely see. 13. Waxing. Continuing on current trajectories, my bikini line will meet my fringe some time in the next two weeks.’

    Emma also draws on her friends’ experiences. In at number 41 is ‘man flu’: ‘Before kids I’d buy treats, be loving and caring whenever my husband was ill,’ says Becky. ‘Now I just want to kill him and end all of our suffering.’

    And last on the list is the Pill, ‘which should be fine, see 2, except that sometimes you do find time for 2. And so it begins again…’

    The hilarious, relatable list has really struck a chord with readers, who took to the comments section in droves to applaud Emma for her honesty.

    One user wrote: ‘Oh and bikini line? More like bikini coastline!’

    Another agreed: ‘Just wet myself laughing reading this (see no 9)!’

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