Has the Queen got my post?

Do you remember when post arrived in the morning?

Instead of a much-needed lie-in on Saturday I had to queue for my post. When I got to the counter I showed my ID but the postlady said she could only give me two of my three parcels because one of the parcels had my nickname on (no, I’m not telling you what that is).
I asked her nicely if she could give me my parcel. She said no. I protested and said that it was my mail and it had my address on, so what does the name matter? She replied that Royal Mail legally own all the post and they’ve promised the Queen to hold my post until I prove my identity!

Er sorry, you own my post? And the Queen knows about this? Perhaps that’s why parcels full of lovely beauty products often arrive opened and with items missing?!

She sighed and asked me if I had any ID with my nickname on? Er, no, no I do not have an official membership card of the nickname club!

The queue behind me was growing and groaning because of the kerfuffle. She sensed this, sighed again, and told me that she is breaking the law by giving me my parcel (and probably annoying the Queen too) but on this occasion she will make an exception.
Needless to say, one of the parcels had been opened and some of the beauty products had mysteriously disappeared – maybe the Queen has them?