The 14 healthy resolutions you’ve already failed miserably at (and we have too)

What is it about the start of January and the return of that niggle in your mind that makes us think this year, maybe this year, you will finally stick to your long list of completely unachievable and virtually ridiculous healthy resolutions?

Yes, we all start off with the best intentions and like to romanticise about suddenly developing a body like Davina’s, but in the cold light of January day it just never happens.

We have a feeling you’ll have made (and swiftly broken) more than a few of these healthy New Year’s resolutions. And you wouldn’t be the only one!

1. I’m going to complete that fitness DVD

Well you can’t have better intentions for a healthier 2015 than asking for a fitness DVD for Christmas. Is it just us or is the mere sight of the DVD laying by the telly half the battle won? Yep, we can definitely feel the pounds falling off already. And if we manage a whole 30 minutes by the end of March we’ll be pretty chuffed with ourselves too.

2. I’m going to walk instead of getting the bus

Sounds like a great idea. Until you remember that we live in the UK. And it rains all the time. And it’s cold. And walking instead of getting the bus with kids, school bags and PE kits in tow is as nightmarish as it sounds. Buses were invented for a reason you know…

3. I’m going for regular morning jogs

Do you have any idea how cold it is out there? And how dark? And just plain uninviting? We have enough to do in the mornings and are lacking in sleep already, without finding an unnecessary reason to be forcing ourselves out of bed at an ungodly hour. And anyway. Playing with the kids burns 231 cals an hour. Better than a cold miserable morning run any day.

4. I’m giving up sugar in my tea

The power of a good cup of tea should never be underestimated. And if life’s a little sweeter with a teaspoon or two of sugar then who are we to deny one of Britain’s simplest pleasures? Plus, if we don’t quite manage giving up the sugar then we’re pretty sure we’ll cut down on the accompanying slice of cake. Pretty, sort of, sure…

5. I’m going to resist the 3pm biscuits

Lunch is done and dusted and we’re positive that today, for the first time, we really won’t need to attack the biscuits when the afternoon slump hits. But as time ticks on, it becomes clear that the call of the chocolate digestives is all too much and we need an energy hit. Well, if we’re going to get round the supermarket, pick the kids up and make dinner we’re going to need at least three dunked in our tea.

6. I’m going to swap my favourite toast and jam for porridge with water

The thought of a couple of bits of toast with our choice of topping is sometimes the only thing getting us up in the mornings – take that away and you’re in for a pretty moody mum on your hands. Porridge made with water without any exciting additions might be healthy, but it’s not going to cut it before a freezing walk to the school gates!

7. I’m not going to give into late night cheese and biscuits

Well technically someone does still need to eat that stilton leftover from Christmas. Plus, cheese and biscuits has to be better than attacking a chocolate bar or bowl of ice cream, doesn’t it? And anyway, the French are known for their love of cheese and they’re all slim, aren’t they? So really, it would be unhealthy to give them up.

8. I’m not going to finish the kids’ dinners anymore

Unless the kids suddenly decide they’re going to eat everything on their plates, then we’re not going to be keeping this one going anytime soon. And we kind of hope they don’t; after all, fish fingers and smiley faces make the perfect pre-dinner snack, we think you’ll agree.

9. I’m saying no to dessert when I go out for dinner

We must have been temporarily mad when we made this resolution. Or perhaps just forgot about Pizza Express’ chocolate fudge cake momentarily. But we’d now like to retract our former crazy statement. We don’t get a night off from cooking often and when we do, bring us that dessert menu quick sharp!

10. I’m not eating carbs after 5pm

Whoever manages a whole late afternoon and evening without a carbohydrate surely can’t be human? Or are they unaware of the simple joys of spag bol, lasagne and a good ol’ jacket potato? It’s winter people! Carbs are practically fuel and one of the small number of things we have to look forward to of a dark, dreary January eve.

11. I’m going to eat a salad for lunch every day

This one starts pretty well. As in you mildly ‘enjoy’ the salad but can’t make it past 3pm without your stomach rumbling uncontrollably. Does it still count as a salad if it looks and tastes the same as your usual lunch with a token lettuce leaf garnish on the side? We thought so.

12. I’m not keeping chocolate in the house anymore

Seemed like a foolproof plan until we remembered the leftover chocolates for Christmas (well throwing them away would be wasteful, and we’re really not about wasting food) and the kids’ chocolate biscuits for their packed lunches. And the odd penguin biscuit with our afternoon cuppa is ok because technically we didn’t buy it for ourselves. Right?

13. I’m going to eat 5 pieces of fruit and vegetables a day

Is it just us or does remembering to eat this much fruit and veg, let alone actually doing it, prove harder than you’d think? We start off with the best of intentions – loading the supermarket trolley with fresh fruit and veg in the hope it’ll all get eaten. But that browning banana and wrinkly apple left in the fruit bowl tell a very different story…

14. I’m going to give up alcohol (well, at least for January)

Correct us if we’re wrong, but with Christmas over and the next Bank Holiday still months away, we have very little to look forward to. If a small, innocent and occasional glass of wine with friends or on the sofa after a hard day is what gets us through, so be it!