Do you sometimes feel that you could be out all day and your bloke wouldn’t even notice you’d gone? Do you think that he doesn’t spot all the things you do for him?
You’re not alone. Women up and down the country feel that they’re not appreciated by their partner. But on the other hand men moan that when they do make an effort we don’t notice. So what’s the real problem here? And how can we avoid taking each other for granted?
One thing that scientists do know is that generally speaking, men have a natural urge to hunt, gather, provide and survive. Women have a natural urge to care, nurture and look after others.
Dating Doctor Peter Spalton says, ‘Men like the excitement of the chase. When they’ve found a partner the chase is over so they put their energy into things like their career, sport or another interest. They don’t realise that they still need to work at keeping their partner.’
If you feel unappreciated by your man it’s time to take action. ‘You need to think about what you can do to tempt your man back – because that’s what it’s really all about,’ says Peter.
– We’ve come up with 9 simple things you can do to get him to appreciate you more
1. Do less
Do you iron his shirts, do his washing, make his dinner and more
besides? Stop! The more you do, the more he’ll let you do without
lifting a finger. This isn’t selfish or spiteful – this is just part of a
Tell him you won’t do his washing any more because you have too much to
do or that you want to spend time doing something else. Once he starts
doing things for himself he’ll realise how much you do for him.
2. Love yourself more
Confidence is sexy. It doesn’t matter what size or shape you are, men
find women who love their bodies a turn-on.
This is easier said than done. If you don’t feel it fake it, just for
one day. Wear sexy underwear or your favourite outfit, do your nails, do
something that makes you feel sexy and see what response you get.
3. Be selfish
It’s easy to get into a routine where you’re the one doing everything
for everyone else. You end up with no time to yourself and feel
It’s time to be selfish and make some time for yourself. Ask your
partner to take the kids off your hands for a while so you can do
whatever you want to do.
If you can make this a regular thing it’s another way to encourage your
man to appreciate you. He’ll see you more as an individual and someone
who has their own interests.
4. Play hard to get
‘Men love to chase, so she needs to play a bit hard to get,’ says Peter
Spalton. ‘Suggest dinner for two in a restaurant and flirt with him.
‘But play a bit hard to get by spinning the meal out, make him stay for
coffee and mints and he’ll be putty in your hands by the end of the
5. Build up your own self-confidence
Generally speaking, women tend to put more effort in to supporting and
building the confidence of their partners, rather than themselves. This
is a great skill to have but sometimes we need a little confidence boost
and we don’t get it from our partners.
The best foundation for self-confidence is from our own approval of
ourselves rather than the approval of our partner, other men, other
women or what the media says.
Taking baby steps is the way forward. Start by thinking about one thing
that you’re good at or that you like about yourself. Remind yourself of
this every day until you really believe it.
6. Remember you’re a woman
‘People put up masks to protect themselves for whatever reason,’ says
Peter Spalton. ‘Often a women (or a man) in a serious relationship will
send a signal that says “I’m taken, so stay away”.’
‘The problem is that this can become a habit and also keep their partner
away. She gets sucked into the day-to-day stuff like kids and work and
doesn’t have the time or inclination to be womanly and sexy.’
7. Leave him be
Men like to take action and be proactive, they show they care with
actions. He works hard because he wants to provide for you and show you
he loves you, not just because he loves his job.
Understand that this is one way he shows he loves you and let him know
that you appreciate the way he provides for you and the family. This
should lead to him showing you more respect and encourage a happier
8. Accept his compliments
If you’ve been together a long time and you lack confidence it becomes
automatic that you brush off compliments. Your bloke may say: ‘You look
nice in that top’ and you reply with: ‘Oh it’s just an old thing, it’s
too tight, too loose, the wrong colour, etc’.
This sort of reaction makes him feel rejected and he may think there’s
no point in giving you compliments.
Next time he gives you a compliment accept it, say thank you and use it
as an opportunity to flirt and get what you want. Whether that’s more
sex or him to do some dusting!
9. Flirt and tease
Most women are very good at flirting and teasing but get out of the habit when they get into a relationship. Women have 52 flirting tricks up their sleeve, men only have 10. And women should go 3 times over the top so he starts to pay attention,’ says Peter.