Sexplanations: ‘Baby making turns him off’

Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

I’m 35, and got married three months ago. I’m now desperate to have a baby. My husband’s keen to start a family too, and I use a kit to tell me when I’m ovulating. But when I tell him we must have sex on a particular day, as I’m at my most fertile, he says he’s too tired. I’m so frustrated.

The solution

I understand how desperate you are to get pregnant. But maybe you’re forgetting your husband’s feelings. If he really is avoiding sex on your ovulating days, there could be a number of reasons.

Firstly, are you sure he’s as keen to be a parent as you think? You’ve only been married for three months. Perhaps he wants to get used to being wed before becoming a dad as well. Are you seeing him simply as a baby-making machine? Guys hate to be treated as a sperm provider. Also, lots of men feel panicky if they’re ‘ordered’ to make love. Some men can feel so pressurised that they get convinced they won’t be able to perform. I’ve known males to take Viagra in secret under these circumstances – even if they never suffer from erection problems as a rule.

Unfortunately, when women want a baby, they can get a bit mechanical about the sex – and, understandably, their partners can find that a turn-off. So why not have a romantic meal first. Give each other a massage. Be sure that you’re making love, not just having sex.

Finally, talk to your husband. He could probably use some reassurance that you adore him, whether or not you do have a family. Tell him how much you love and desire him.
Of course you’ll know when you’re at your most fertile. But I suggest you mark those days by being especially loving, romantic and sexy. This should get a much more positive response from your man than telling him he must jump to it and do his marital duty!

Read more sex advice from Christine

There’s more advice from Christine in this week’s bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.
– Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on or to us at goodtoknow

More help and advice

Ovulation date calculator
10 things you need to know about ovulation
50 sex tips to boost your love life