Sexplanations: ‘Being so big is a turn-off’

Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

My husband and I haven’t had sex for months and I miss it. When I asked him why he didn’t want to make love, he got upset and said he still loves me but has stopped fancying me – I’ve put on 3st since we married. But surely he should love me for who I am?

The solution

I think he does love you for who you are – he just doesn’t fancy you. And that’s not the same thing at all. You see, when a man falls in love with a woman he puts her on a pedestal. In fact, he idolises her and never wants her to change from the girl he fell in love with.

Another important factor is that men are visual creatures. They’re much more turned on by appealing physical characteristics than women are. We like a bit of eye-candy too, but usually we care less about physical perfection and more about feeling safe and wanted, romanced and loved.

That’s just how nature works so I don’t feel it’s your man’s fault that he’s gone off the boil. Now, I bet you don’t like being 3st overweight either. So why not make this the year you lose weight. You could start by taking exercise with your man. Why not go dancing together? It’s very active and would help you to tone up. Also, all that touching and holding might revive the sexual chemistry.

I wonder if there’s something your man could do for you? Maybe you’d like him to dress more smartly, or quit smoking. If he made an effort for you, you might feel better about losing weight for him.

But, most importantly, you should lose weight for yourself so that you become healthier. That’s the best reason to do it, as well as finding that your love-life gets fizzing again.

Read more sex advice from Christine Webber

– There’s more advice in this week’s bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.

– Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on or to us on goodtoknow