Sexplanations: ‘He can’t please me in bed’

Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

My husband has been married before, and had several girlfriends in between. He says I take much longer to orgasm than other women.

But when he stimulates me by hand, or orally, he doesn’t alter the pressure or speed. He’s had success previously, but not with me, and it makes me feel insecure

The solution

What a dilemma. I’m sure you’re quite normal, but I think that your husband may have some strange ideas – so the rest of this answer is for him.

Dear Reader’s Husband: Your attitude is upsetting your wife, and she’s unlikely to feel orgasmic until you change it. I’d guess that you’re a mechanical sort of a bloke.

You’re probably great with computers and cars. And it sounds like you’ve developed a routine that you think satisfies women.

You probably do a few minutes of kissing and caressing one breast, then the other. Perhaps you twiddle the clitoris for five minutes. And then you penetrate her.

But a woman’s sexual response isn’t a chemical formula! And there’s no method that suits all women.

As you’ve got a failed marriage behind you, I wonder if your technique has been as effective as you think. Maybe some of your exes found your methods dull. Perhaps they faked it.

But even if you really were a big hit in bed before, there’s no rule that says your wife must respond like all the others. And one thing is putting her right off – your impatience.

It’s horrid for women to feel that their partners think they take too long to climax. So forget about this mechanical sex.

Enjoy her smell and touch. Be romantic. Ask her to caress herself, and put your hand over hers so that you can gage what she likes. And ask for guidance.

A good lover isn’t someone who knows it all – but someone who never stops learning.

Read more sex advice from Christine Webber

– There’s more advice from Christine in this week’s bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.

– Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on or to us on goodtoknow