Sexplanations: ‘He’s always in control’

Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

My new man persuaded me to get a new look. Before I met him I’d really let myself go, so I didn’t mind the makeover. But now he’s keen on changing me in bed, too. He likes me to read erotica to him and use sex toys on myself while he watches.

I’m loving it, but my friend thinks he’s a real control freak. Is he?

The solution

Maybe your friend is jealous. Obviously, this guy is making changes in your life. But it sounds as though you like them, and you feel more confident because of them.

Lots of couples make suggestions to each other about how they could dress better, or eat more healthily, or get fit. Usually, it’s women doing it to men! But sometimes guys do it too.

Is this controlling? I don’t think so. Not if it’s done with love, and to help the partner feel better. You say that you really like this guy, and that you’re loving your new sex life. It sounds like he has your interests at heart – especially in bed, where he seems to be determined you should have a better time than ever before.

I hope you’ll soon have some suggestions for him too, which might increase your pleasure, or his. If he listens to you, then he’s man enough to acknowledge he can learn new things. But if he resists your ideas, perhaps he can’t cope with you taking a more active role.

If this happens, your friend might have a point. Meanwhile, why not just enjoy yourself, and continue to improve yourself in ways that you’re comfortable with? Go ahead, make changes, as long as you’re doing them for you.

After all, if this relationship doesn’t last, you can walk away knowing that you’re looking good, and you’ve learnt new things which you can try with somebody else! There’s more advice from Christine in this week’s bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.
– Save 20% on a subscription to Woman