Sexplanations: ‘He’s never had sex’

Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

I’m 30 and in love with a guy, 28, who adores me. We’ve petted a lot, but he’s just told me he’s still a virgin and wants me to take his virginity. I’m flattered, but isn’t it odd that he’s never had sex? He might not be able to do it. And what will my friends think?

The solution

This guy hasn’t got the word ‘virgin’ tattooed on his forehead! So why should anyone else have to know? It can’t be obvious, or you’d have guessed already. In my job, I come across all sorts of sexual behaviour. I can tell you that while many people lose their virginity in their teens, many aren’t sexually active till their 20s or later.

There’s so much sex in the media, we tend to think that everyone’s at it twice nightly. Far from the truth. So no, I don’t think it’s odd that he’s still a virgin.

He doesn’t sound as if he’s scared of sex, or that he thinks it’s dirty. Now that would be a problem. Perhaps he’s just shy. Or maybe he never fell for anyone before. I think you should feel excited as well as flattered.

You have a young man who’s wild about you – and who you can train up into a stud! He may be nervous, but with your experience I’m sure you’ll cope. If he loses his erection, use your fingers or tongue to get him in the mood again. And when it comes to penetration, I suggest you go on top. He’s likely to feel more secure. If you’re using a condom, put it on him while murmuring encouraging stuff, like how big he looks and how you can’t wait for him. I think your friends will seriously envy you. Enjoy!

Read more sex advice from Christine Webber

– There’s more advice from Christine in this week’s bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.

– Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on or to us on goodtoknow

Where to next?

Sex toys: Tried and Tested
Orgasms: Everything you want to know
Quiz: Are you too choosy in love?