Sexplanations: ‘He uses me for sex then leaves’

Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

Five years ago, I met a guy via the internet. We were instantly attracted and had mind-blowing sex. He doesn’t want commitment or love – just sex. I live for his visits, but they’re very rare now. He arrives, we have sex, and he leaves an hour later. I feel devastated afterwards, but I can’t stop.

The solution

This is an addiction isn’t it? I’m sure you know that this man is bad for you, yet you long for the fix he gives you. But as soon as you’ve had it, you feel worse than ever.

Your lover is inconsiderate, controlling and unromantic. All he does is bonk you – and leave. He might have loads of women servicing him like this.

You don’t have another man in your life, which is why you’re hanging on to this part time passion. But he’s stopping you meeting other people, so your life has been put on hold.

Worse than that, I think he’s left you feeling that you don’t deserve anything better – which of course you do! What would you say to a close friend in your situation? Would you tell her the affair was healthy and fulfilling and good for her? I don’t think so.

I suggest you build a new life. Get busy – so busy that you have no time left to see your guy. Go out with friends. Join an amateur dramatics group or salsa class. Have fun. As you gain in confidence, you’ll meet new men.

I also think you should buy yourself a good vibrator and give yourself fantastic orgasms whenever you want so that you don’t miss your ‘fix’.

It’ll be hard. Bad habits are difficult to break. But please, reclaim your life from this monstrous male. Out there is someone who’ll give you love, kindness, commitment and respect – as well as great sex.

Read more sex advice from Christine Webber

– There’s more advice from Christine in this week’s bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.

– Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on or to us on goodtoknow