Sexplanations: ‘He wants to spank me’

Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

When I first met my boyfriend, I was amazed he was still single. He’s good-looking and well-off. Our first few times in bed were so-so, but then one night he spanked me really hard, and we had wild sex. Now he wants to spank me every time we make love. Should I be wary?

The solution

This guy sounds fixated on bottom bashing. And he’s not alone – spanking is very popular among English men. People used to say it was all to do with corporal punishment in school, but this hasn’t been allowed for years, so I don’t know why it still turns on so many blokes. I say ‘English’, by the way, as spanking doesn’t seem to thrill the Welsh, Scots or Irish nearly so much!

Your boyfriend must have been delighted when you enjoyed being spanked that first time. There are lots of nerve endings in the bottom that can give great pleasure, and it can feel exciting and different. But having to do it every time could become a bore. You may love cheesecake, but do you want it every day?

You could try rationing the spanking to once a fortnight. But how do you turn him on to other sexual activities in between? You could try sex toys, play-acting, dressing up, or just lots of love play.

If none of this satisfies him, especially once the relationship is no longer new and exciting, you’ll have to choose. Stay with the perfect gent and put up with a sore bottom. Or leave. Therapy might help him change, but many spankers don’t even want to stop. What they want is a woman who’ll go along with it. Is that you?

Read more sex advice from Christine Webber

– There’s more advice from Christine in this week’s bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.

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