Sexplanations: ‘How can I improve our sex life?’

Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

I met my fiance on an internet dating site. We’re both 36, live together and are very shy. He was a virgin when we met. We love each other but sex just isn’t working for me. He just enters me and thrusts away until he comes. I’m left to my own devices, very frustrated. Should I tell him?

The solution

Poor you. You’ve got a roll-on, roll-off Romeo. Hard to believe they still exist in 2009, but your guy may genuinely not know that penetration alone doesn’t deliver satisfaction to women, and that he needs to pay the clitoris some attention.

But as it’s taken him all his adult life to get round to doing what comes naturally to most men, don’t demolish him by telling him he’s rubbish in bed.

Instead, talk to him about how lucky you are to have found each other – especially as you’re both inexperienced and shy. Then say that you’d like to learn more about sex, and ask him to help you.

Probably, he’s masturbated through life until now. Ask him to show you how he likes his penis handled. You can then show him your clitoris and how to satisfy yourself. Get him to stroke you there and let him know how it turns you on.

Gently suggest that you could try other positions. If you get on top, for example, he or you can get at your clitoris easily – and you should have more thrilling sex.

Shop online for some sex manuals. I recommend The New Joy Of Sex by Alex Comfort and Susan Quilliam, Lovemaking by Dr Andrew Stanway, and Fabulous Foreplay by Dr Pam Spurr.

This is an adventure for both of you – I hope you’re on your way to exciting sex!

Read more sex advice from Christine Webber

– There’s more advice from Christine in this week’s bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.

– Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on or to us on goodtoknow