Sexplanations: ‘How can I make sure I climax?’

Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

I’ve been with my husband for nine years now. We love each other very much and usually make love twice a week, but I don’t always climax. He’s great in bed, but we both work full-time and we have two children, so I don’t always feel as sexy as I’d like. Any advice?

The solution

Firstly, well done on having sex twice a week – despite working full-time and having two children. You’re doing brilliantly!

But I understand your anxiety, the female orgasm can be pretty elusive. One of the biggest problems in today’s hectic world is fatigue. It can make any woman lack the energy to go for the ‘Big O’. So, the first step is to make sure that you’re quite rested when you do have sex. That’s probably why many women schedule it for the weekend, when they’ve had a lie-in.

I also suggest you keep a sex diary. Women’s hormones fluctuate throughout their cycle, so we tend to feel sexier at some times of the month than others. Of course, you can climax when you’re not feeling sexy, but it may take longer.

If you keep a diary for a few months, you should begin to see a pattern. Are you most turned on halfway through your cycle, or just before your period? Once you know, you can identify your ‘sexy’ days.

Some people hate to ‘schedule’ sex, but I think that if you know it’s set for a certain day, you can spend hours getting in the mood. This tends to work well for women – if our minds aren’t turned on to sex, our bodies don’t turn on, either.

So, if tonight’s the night, put on sexy lingerie and visualise some sexy bedroom antics. You’ll be raring to go!

Read more sex advice from Christine Webber

– There’s more advice from Christine in this week’s bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.

– Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on or to us on goodtoknow