Sexplanations: ‘I’m scared of being alone’

Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

I’ve only ever slept with my husband, but after 20 years of marriage I long to have sex with someone else. I stopped loving my husband years ago. I’m thinking of divorce, but I’m anxious about being single and alone at 37 – and about starting a new sex life.

The advice

Hmm, sounds to me as though you’ve lost all respect for your husband, as well as love. But I understand that divorce can feel like a very big, scary step and you’re feeling anxious. I can assure you, though, no one’s going to think you’re sad if you’re on your own at 37. Lots of adults adore living solo. For a start, they don’t have to share their private space – or have sex – with someone they dislike!

As for finding a new man, it sounds like your sexual feelings may have been on the back burner for ages, but now they’re raring to go. So, where do you go from here?

I suggest that you begin living more like a single person. That way, if you do decide to divorce, much of your new life will already be in place.

Go out more with your friends. Take up new activities where you can meet new people of both genders. You’ll have a better social network, and it’ll be easier to make the break if you still want to.

I’m sure that when you’re free, having sex with someone you fancy will come naturally. Meanwhile, read some erotic literature, and invest in a vibrator. You’ll gradually wipe the memory of sex with your husband from your mind and start focusing on new images.

At 37, there’s plenty of time for you to have lots more love and sex. You might be single for a while. You might meet a new partner within months. Whatever happens, life is bound to be very different – and I’m betting it’ll be an awful lot happier.

Read more sex advice from Christine

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Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on or to us at goodtoknow

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