Sexplanations: ‘I’m worried he’s not normal’

Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

I’ve been with my boyfriend for five months and we live together. Sex was great at first but now he’s cooled off. When we do have sex, he pretends I’m a young virgin. He watches my daughter, who’s nine, taking a bath and checks on her when she’s asleep. Is this odd?

The solution

Yes, it’s odd all right! The warning bells are definitely sounding. I fear that this man may have got to know you in order to gain access to your children. Some guys with an unnatural interest in kids do target women who are lone parents.

I’m not saying that he’s a full-blown paedophile with a history of abusing children, but there’s no way that his present behaviour is normal. It’s true that lots of men occasionally fantasise about their partner being a virgin. But this guy has almost stopped making love to you, after only a very few months together, and his ‘virgin fantasy’ seems to be the only way he can perform with you.

Also, your boyfriend is intruding on your daughter’s privacy. Even if he never does anything more than he has already, I believe his behaviour could make her feel very confused and uneasy.

I know you don’t want to lose him, but I fear that this relationship comes at far too high a price. If he ever sexually abuses your daughter, you may find it hard to forgive yourself. Contact the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000 and tell them what you’ve told me. They’re really expert in this area. If they feel as I do, I hope you’ll take their advice – and I hope that will include moving this man out of your house.

Read more sex advice from Christine Webber

– There’s more advice from Christine in this week’s bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.

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