Sexplanations: ‘I slept with my ex-fiance’

Every week we partner up with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

‘I was due to marry my boyfriend of eight years this summer, but now he’s left me for another woman. He says things like: ‘I love you but I’m not sure I’m IN love with you.’ The last time he visited, we had great sex – then he went back to her. I’m in bits.’

The advice

Well, falling into bed with him won’t help you right now. In fact, I beg you to stick to this golden rule: NEVER HAVE SEX WITH YOUR EX! Of course, if your guy stops being an ‘ex’ and becomes a partner again, you could welcome him back to your bed. But if you have sex while he’s living with another lover, you’ll only feel even worse afterwards – as you’ve now discovered.

Also, he’s unlikely to choose between you and the other woman if both of you are coming across with the sexual goodies. It sounds to me as if he’s got cold feet about getting married, but this is for him to sort out. Meanwhile, he’s having his cake and eating it.

So, I suggest that you get tough. Tell him that you love him very much, but that you don’t want any contact with him for three months. He’ll have to face life without you – and this should focus his mind on what he really wants.

Meanwhile, let your family and friends take care of you so that you grow stronger with every day. Try to have some fun. Do all the things that the magazines always tell you to do – take long hot baths, enjoy seeing friends, splurge on new clothes. Take exercise in a form you enjoy, like swimming or dancing – it’s good for your mood.

Also, avoid wallowing in your hurt by playing ‘your song,’ poring over photos of you and him together, and so on. Just concentrate on yourself. I hope your man comes back to you.

If he doesn’t, please remember that now you know how to have great sex, there’s no reason why you can’t have it again – with someone else.

And hopefully your next partner will be adult enough to commit to you properly. For now, give him love without demanding that he perform on all cylinders!

Read more Sexplanations advice from Christine Webber

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