Sexplanations: ‘I’ve gone off sex with my lazy husband’

Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

My husband and I used to have fantastic sex, but I’ve gone off it, although I still love him. My sister thinks it’s because his laziness annoys me. He says his job makes him too tired to help with the housework, so I have to do it all, although I work full-time. Maybe she’s right!

The solution

Loads of bedroom problems aren’t really about sex at all, but about the quality of a relationship. And it seems it’s your relationship that’s in trouble here, not the nitty gritty of sex.

Men often fail to realise that our libido is linked to how we’re treated. If we’re treated with consideration, and we feel appreciated, romanced and cared for, we tend to feel sexy. Lack of desire can, of course, occasionally be due to physical illness. But usually, it’s due to difficulties between the couple – just like you’re experiencing now.

Sex used to be great for you, so I think your sister’s probably right. You’re angry and resentful at your man’s behaviour – and these feelings are killing your desire.

The division of labour in your house is very unequal, so you need to alter this. Be specific – draw up a list of all the household chores and show it to him. Then tell him that from now on, you’d like him to do half of them.

He’s bound to look shocked. Ignore that, and ask him there and then which ones he’s prepared to take on.

If he protests, tell him it’s unlikely you’ll get your sexual appetite back unless you get much more help at home. Maybe then he’ll agree to co-operate. And when he does start helping, reward him with some love-action.

Once your resentment goes, your libido should revive. Of course, once he does his fair share of the chores, he might be too exhausted for sex!

Read more sex advice from Christine Webber

– There’s more advice from Christine in this week’s bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.

– Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on or to us on goodtoknow