Sexplanations: ‘Is it wrong to fantasise about sexy men?’

Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

I’ve been happily married for 17 years. But I fantasise about other men. My husband’s put on weight and isn’t as fanciable as he was. So, when we have sex, I think of guys like the ones on Strictly Come Dancing. Am I being unfaithful to him?

The solution

No. In fact, you could say that what you’re doing is very wise – it could even save your marriage. If you didn’t fantasise, the chances are that one day a young, toned guy at work, or in the gym, might catch your eye – and you’d be tempted to get up close and personal. And if your husband found out, you might lose him.

Recently, I was involved in a sex survey in which 3,000 women were asked about their fantasies. You’ll be relieved to know that almost half admitted to raunchy thoughts about someone other than their partner – colleagues, men friends, firemen, and male celebs like Brad Pitt and George Clooney.

But why? Well, the mind is a powerful erogenous zone, so loads of women use fantasy to spice up their love lives. Shows like Strictly Come Dancing are great for fuelling these fantasies.

But men do it, too. While you’re dreaming of Brendan Cole, your husband might be seeing himself with Camilla!

So don’t worry about it. You could suggest to your man that you’d like the two of you to get fitter and healthier. Maybe do some form of exercise together, like ballroom dancing! If your husband looks more like the man you fell in love – and lust – with, fantasies will fade away.

Read more sex advice from Christine Webber

– There’s more advice in this week’s bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.

– Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on or to us on goodtoknow