Sexplanations: ‘My bedtime look turns him off’

Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

One cold night, I put on old, fleecy pyjamas, bedsocks and earmuffs for bed. My husband got very upset, yelling that I look nothing like the girl he married. He’s romantic and kind, so I was shocked. I suppose I’ve let myself go a bit, but isn’t that normal after 10 years together?

The solution

Normal or not, your bedsocks and cosy jimjams are obviously harming your marriage. As you seem genuinely amazed by your husband’s outburst, I can only assume that he rarely gets angry or criticises you. So why did he blow his top?

I suspect it’s been getting him down for ages. But instead of talking about it calmly when it first upset him, he stayed quiet until he just had to explode.

In my consulting room, when I see men whose marriages have gone wrong, they often say what your man did: ‘She’s not the girl I married’.

To a romantic guy in love with his partner, appearances matter. Men are very visual, in bed and in love.

Let’s face it, many of the fairer sex marry a guy who’s not perfect, but then spend the next 20 years knocking him into shape. They alter his fashion sense, his hairstyle, and make him eat salad!

Men are different. When they fall in love, they tend to idolise their woman and want her to stay the same as when they first met.

It sounds like you were doing a Bridget Jones that night in your baggy jimjams! This is a look that sends perfectly decent guys scurrying off in search of a mistress in sexy stockings and suspenders.

So, I suggest you get some raunchy gear on, and seduce him as soon as possible. Let him see that you’re still a sex kitten. Throw out the comfy pyjamas, recycle the earmuffs and think ‘boudoir’.

Believe me, the look on his face when he gets back ‘the girl he married’ will be worth the effort.

Read more sex advice from Christine Webber

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