Sexplanations: ‘My husband wants to have anal sex’

Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

My husband wants us to have anal sex more often. He likes it and claims that most couples are really into it. I find it painful and only agree to it because I love him. Is this really something that lots of people do. I’m too embarrassed to ask my friends.

The solution

I’ve heard that some women do enjoy anal sex – but I’ve never met one. Most women tell me it does little for them and they avoid it. And some, like you, actually find it really painful. Plenty of women do agree to it occasionally, just to keep men happy. In fact, it can be a special treat on a bloke’s birthday!

As you’ve found, this is a difficult subject to talk about. Until about 15 years ago, it was illegal in this country – even for consenting married couples. Before reliable contraception, some couples used it instead of vaginal intercourse. It seems to have become more common because it’s in porn films, and this makes some men think that everyone must be doing it.

More guys than ever before are viewing porn because it’s easily accessible – and this is having an impact on the bedroom. If you don’t like anal sex, don’t do it. Ask your husband how he’d like a big, stiff object inserted into his bottom.

Done a lot, anal sex can cause a leaky bottom. Unlike the vagina, the rectum is full of germs, which can cause infection – especially if a couple goes on to have vaginal intercourse without the guy washing his penis.

If you do it occasionally, use lubrication and make sure that you’re relaxed and that your husband takes things very slowly and gently.

Read more sex advice from Christine Webber

– There’s more advice from Christine in this week’s bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.

– Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on or to us on goodtoknow