Sexplanations: ‘My weight’s a passion killer’

We’ve partnered with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

I love my husband, but our sex life is suffering because of my size. Since I had our two kids, I’ve put on 3st and feel ugly and fat. Diets don’t work and I’m not keen on exercise. Last night I said no to sex and my husband was so upset. How can I stop this spoiling things?

The advice

Poor you. You’re in a horrid place – and we need to get you out of it, because it sounds like you’ve started identifying yourself as ‘that fat woman’.

But there’s much more to you than your weight. I want you to list 50 things about yourself that you like. You may find this hard, but it’ll help you see all the qualities that make you the woman you are. Now then: what about getting slimmer? You say diets don’t work for you.

I know you’re ‘not keen’ on exercise. Try cycling. Or do some walking every day. I’m sure you can find some activity you like. Exercise boosts our happiness levels – it’s worth doing.

Finally, what about sex? You’ve upset your husband by turning him down. Is that helping how you look? No. And frankly, if your marriage develops problems, you’ll probably find it harder to lose weight.

Most men see sex as extremely important. When they have sex, it increases their feelings of love for their partner. Sex releases bonding chemicals in our brains, which make us feel closer and more content with each other. Saying no to this warmth and pleasure is crazy. You love your husband and he loves you, so don’t push him away.

Why not make love by candlelight? It’ll be romantic, and you won’t feel that your body is too exposed.

Also, don’t forget, sex burns up calories – another excellent reason for doing it more often!

Read more sex advice from Christine

There’s more advice from Christine in this week’s bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.
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Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on or to us at goodtoknow

More help and advice

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