Sexplanations: ‘Scared to give my lover the push’

Every week we partner up with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

‘I’ve been having an affair for six years. Everyone tells me that my man will never leave his wife, and I’ve accepted it. But if I steel myself to give him up, my life will feel empty. Also, I know I’ll never have sex this good again. Any advice?’

The advice

Poor you! You’ve invested lots of excitement, romance and good sex, I’ve bet you’ve been lonely too. So maybe you’ll find that you don’t feel much more alone once you’ve given him up.

Yes, you’ll have time on your hands. But as for never having great sex again, you don’t have a crystal ball, so you can’t know that!

And research suggests that once a woman has sexual confidence and knows how to have orgasms, she can have terrific sex with a new partner. Hopefully, in your case, this new person will be free to make you top priority.

Parting from a guy is like quitting smoking. You won’t do it till you want to be rid of the habit more than you want to keep it. However, you can prepare yourself! Here’s how…

1. Start doing things that don’t involve your lover. Meet old friends. See your family. Buy a vibrator!
2. Designate one day a month as Decision Day. On that day, choose: do you want to remain in this affair? This month, you may decide to stay. But as you fill your life with other people, you’ll start to look forward. Then, on one of your D-Days, you’ll find the courage to wave this man goodbye. Good luck!

Read more Sexplanations advice from Christine Webber

There’s more advice from Christine in this week’s bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.
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Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on or to us at goodtoknow and we’ll pass on your email.
Don’t forget to call your message ‘Sexplanations’!