Sexplanations: ‘She wants to watch us having sex’

Every week we partner with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

My best friend’s single, and so sexually frustrated that she’s asked if I’d let her watch my husband and me have sex. She says she’s always wanted to watch a couple do it. I’m not into a threesome, but what if she just watches us? My husband and I find the idea quite exciting.

The solution

Voyeurism – watching someone else have sex – is a thrilling thought for lots of people. And exhibitionism, or performing sexually for an onlooker, is also a popular fantasy, so I’m not surprised you’re turned on. But it’s clear you have some doubts as well, or you wouldn’t have written to me.

You say a proper threesome would be going too far, but letting your friend watch you would be OK. However, these things are rarely so simple. The three of you would probably drink a fair bit first, which would lessen everyone’s scruples. So what begins as someone watching can end up quite differently.

Chances are, if your friend is feeling so frustrated, she wouldn’t just watch. She’d stimulate herself – possibly to orgasm. This would probably turn you and your husband on even more, and it would be a small step to get her to join you in bed. Then you’re into seriously dangerous territory.

Your husband may be attracted to your friend. Or you may be attracted to her yourself! Or your friend could make a play for your husband. They might end up having sex in front of you!

That’s why these ideas are often best left in the mind. It’s much safer to think about voyeurism than actually act it out. And your friend will be happier if she finds a man of her own to play with!

Read more sex advice from Christine Webber

– There’s more advice from Christine in this week’s bigger better WOMAN, on sale every Tuesday.

– Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on or to us on goodtoknow

Where to next?

All about orgasms
10 ways to get you in the mood
Tantric sex explained
Guide to oral sex